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I grew up on the sea. My mother was a mermaid with scaily breasts and flippers for legs. My father was a pirate. He was always on the search for booty. I spent most of my young life with my family pirating and stealing from cruise ships out in international waters. It was a bit hard to do though at first as our sailboat was always being outran by motor-boats. We discoverd machine guns and the world was a better place. My parents finally decided that they had had enough of me not fully eccepting the pirate life. The final straw for them was when I refused to amputate my leg for a wooden one They said that real legs just sounded too wierd on the boat deck. They dropped me off at an island of cannibals. The cannibals thought that I was a God because of my blue eyes and let me live. They have called me King Puddin for twenty-two years now. Were getting ready for our assault on the mainland. The meat is running low here, and we are so very very hungry. I'll see you soon.