This is just the tip of the iceberg but I have really only told one person and this is a big deal. Exgf shows up at J's daughter's first birthday party. That was expected. What was unknown is how would it hit me. It was very stressful and she stayed for at 4 hrs and 15 minutes. I tried to stay longer so she wouldnt "win" but I couldnt deal any more. My friendship with J is just about done. I give up too much. If his wife has be friends with T then I cant be in the middle. Its too much. I just hope that this stress isnt taking years off my life. I can't imagine how T could have taken any more from me. It makes me sick to think 1 year ago I trusted T, J and his wife more than my own family and other friends. I am so blind. 
sometimes you gotta split off and just make new friends . its hard..but its better then suffering.
ps: in question to your post on the forum..I think you look fine with longer or shorter hair. it's about how YOU like it.