DRUNK CUSTOMER: so, sweetie. how many girlfriends do you have?
ME: zero.
DRUNK CUSTOMER: why's that? you seem like a ladykiller.
ME: i'm saving myself for jennifer aniston.
DRUNK CUSTOMER: you know she's getting married to john mayer, right?
ME: you're being pessimistic. hollywood relationships never last.
DRUNK CUSTOMER (scribbles phone number on a receipt from another store, then passes it to me): well, if...
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