douglasfir

About a week ago I had this strong desire to try and make my life better... maybe it's my mid-life crisis creeping up on me early (after all I will be turning 30 next year). Anyway I basically realised I'm unhappy... actually that was no great realisation but you know the first step is admitting you have a problem and all that jazz! But still I then tried to actually come up some with some concrete reasons for this - something I can try and deal with...

My first one was my weight... I'm very insecure about my body and especially recently I've let myself go quite badly and I often find myself comfort eating... and to put it bluntly... I'm jiggly! So I then looked up one of those height weight ratio things online and for my height I should really weigh between 9 stone and 12 stone - so for the first time in probably 10 years I weighed myself... and I can confirm that I an overweight (I was 14 stone)... the thing is I eat relatively healthily - I basically eat 2 meals a day - lunch at work that consists of a sandwich and two pieces of fruit and then an evening meal... but then on days when I'm feeling particularly low I hit the snacks... and aside from walking to and from the bus stop I don't exercise...

So I want to be more confident about my body - I need to get down to a healthy weight and lose some jiggliness! So I've cut out all the snacks and I've started doing sit ups of an evening - I started doing fifty a night and by last night I was doing eighty... I think this is working because I've already noticed a slight difference and I've gone down to about 13 stone - hopefully if I keep it up I can lose some of my excess weight and feel more confident about myself...

Next up... I have never had a relationship with anyone... I've had 3 girlfriends in my late-teen/early-twenties years but they weren't really relationships and aside from one disastrous incident about two or three years ago I haven't been out on a date in over eight years. This could of course be linked with the previously mentioned insecurities I have... but it also comes down to me be cripplingly shy... I honestly don't know how to overcome that though.

There is a girl in my office who I've had a crush on for eight years now (which is how long I've worked there!)... and although I'm not expecting anything to happen I've decided I need to confront my fear of expressing emotion and I'm going to send her some flowers for her birthday in two weeks time. I was going to send them anonymously (to save her embarrassment - as at least she can make out she has a secret admirer rather then having to tell everyone that she has received flowers from the office freak... which I'm sure is how I'm perceived by many of my peers) and then send her an e-mail to let her know who they're from and why... but I'm still having my doubts whether this is a good idea... I find myself over analysing everything and the more I do that the less I want to do it...

... so if anyone want to offer me advice or their thoughts I would be grateful!

Okay I guess that's all for now... apologies for the large gaps in updates... and ummm... the new Gorillaz album kicks ass - check it out!