Well well well. I had a (sorta) first date with the current and predominant crush last night. This is a girl who has seved my coffee for the past couple years or so, hell I even worked at the same place (night shifts, she was on days) and we never really hung out. So I call her up on a whim, out of the blue to see if she wants to hang out. Chill, watch a movie, smoke a J, whatever floats her boat. And she gives me a super enthusiastic "YESS!" without even thinking about it. Bonus! We've flirted in the past, but I never thought much of it until last week when she started talking about being single and living alone. Yes, I took those as some sort of sign of interest. How could I not. Anyway, I get to her place, and we decide against watching a movie and opt for a moonlit walkin the park. Well... I guess I'm still fucking 13 or something. I still get all nervous and goofy when it comes to these things, and can never think of the right thing to say. I opted this time to avoid saying anything stupid by not really saying much at all. What do I have to be nervous about? She's been giving me all these openings. Like I had her phone in my pocket, and every time it would ring she'd act like she didn't remember which pocket it was in and rifle through my pockets, all grabby and stuff. And we would have these weird silent moments where it seemed like I was about to say something, and she was waitng for me to say something, and damn. I couldn't think of anything to say. So we would just look at eachother... kind of giggle, then look away. Another sign, she made a point of bringing up how she's excited about her "new bed" that she bought this week, and the moron that I am. I had nothing clever to say or do about that. A girl doesn't talk about her bed with a guy who she just invited over just because she like to talk about mattress maintenance. Does she? Well, I was stunned - shy - awkward and pretty obvious about it, all night. Perhaps I'm exagerating a bit, but I feel like a dufus-dweeb-dork. Perhaps I gotta rent me some more confidence. She did say I could call her to hang out again some time... but I hope I didn't miss my main opening. This gal is too cool. I hope that from this point on she's going to see me as some sort of guy who wimps out instead of makes out. God... I gotta make out sometime soon. This is not good. Another lonely night.
