dopespike

Ya know I had an epiphany tonight. I didnt realize it till I was taking my friend home. This girl that I like ( not the British one, I am not talking to her anymore), I think I am pretty close to figuring out the reason that I like her. Many girls that I have ever liked, it was because they were fucking hot. Not that this girl isnt pretty, she is very pretty. Although the way I said it, it made her feel that she wasnt pretty at all. Sorry about that. I can be a prick sometimes. I used to be a fairly sensitive and nice person, but people took advantage of that so I generally say things but sugar coat as much as I can but still be as blunt as possible. I have been a real prick to her and I am actually really happy that she doesnt hold any resentment toward me. She is a smart, pretty, and awesome girl overall. But for some strange reason, those were not the reasons that I liked her. Every time we hang out, I have so much fun with her. She is very honest to me and I feel very comfortable and I really trust her. I tell her a lot of things that I dont tell people. My epiphany is that maybe she is perfect as just a friend. If we ever would have gotten together (as if Im that lucky) it would have ruined the friendship that I almost threw away because I was a total idiot. She is truly a great friend. I cant help being jealous when she talks about the guys she likes but I should open my ears and listen and be as good of a friend to her. I have those urges to hug her and kiss her and all that stuff but I have to hold it in. I wish things could be different but I guess I am mostly happy with the way things are now. I regained a friend that I do love very much and I do mean that with all my heart. She is unique and perfect the way she is. I only hope that she never changes. I do kind of wish I knew why she isnt attracted to me. Im not that great looking of a guy and I do try to be not such a prick. I dont know. Out of everything I have asked her. This is one question I will probably never ask her. I think it is just better this way.

Blah, I have to admit I have been really emo lately. I hate myself when I am like this. I got another Children of Bodom CD Follow the Reaper. It is awesome. Hopefully this pulls me out of my shitty slump.

On another note: Joey mentioned me in her journal today. I think I fucked up or something I dunno. Its not common that anyone puts my name in their journal. Baughn did but it was to bitch about how sneaky I was with the check at Damon's FUCKING GREAT RIB JOINT BY THE WAY. JUST DON'T EAT THE SALAD!!!! ASK BAUGHN WHY!!!



^^^Joey