doontheloon

I'm starting to realize the whole scheme of things. I always thought that the harder and faster you try the easier things come. This is a total misconception. Everything worthwhile takes patience and faith. Im not talking about faith in god or any religious shit like that. Im talking about faith in yourself. You can't hurry yourself. We are all like fresh wounds. Once we scab over you have to be patient. If you pick the scab too soon you'll bleed all over again. If you ARE patient the scab will fall off on its own. I suppose this is an odd or even unlikely way to think about things but its all I've got. I came to school here for a lover. She was my world. She was the only person I knew here. I got all the papers and documents filled out. Financial aid, housing, and loans. Two weeks before I move down here I find out she has been with somebody else. I loved her....she told she loved me too...and I believed it. What a fucking mess I was. I decided to defy the norm. I decided to not let this spineless excuse for a woman beat me. I came to school here anyway. Away from everything I've ever known for the first time for an empty excuse. I'm past all that now.....wayyy past it. Im a better person for it. Im independent, I'm wise, I'm trustworthy, I'm everything she isn't and will probably never be. I want to post an entry I wrote in my journal. I wrote this entry on my first trip home from school after being here for a solid two months. I read it today and it was astonishing how much my perspective has changed. I use to feel so lost. Enjoy...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Coming home to all I've grown up with. I've never had this feeling. Two months I've been gone and I could never wait two more. Hundreds of miles away from the people who made me who I am right now. I lick my lips with anticipation of the beer I'll soon drink with the best friends I'll ever have. The hole in my chest grows fuller and fuller with each bump of the trains wheels against the track, drawing me closer to the unforgiving, unconditional place I was brought up in. The trees creep by as I make my way home as if their limbs are pointing my wayward journey."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just wanted to print this..not only for you guys to read...but for me to look at and know how much different I am....in the course of a little over a year...my whole outlook on everything has changed. I may still be lost but at least im going in a direction.


Have a wonderful week everybody



leave me lovins!!!