Forced to update....I really hate doing these. Some have said I don't open up enough...and they're right...I really don't.....enjoy it while it lasts.
I got some bad news about my pops yesterday. He's had this problem with his intestines and he's been fighting it off for about ten years now....surgeries and everything. It's almost taken him from us, twice. Well it's come back, again. I feel really bad, like I should be there for him and the family. I know he wants my happiness, which is here with her. But, I don't know...I'm nervous. The funny thing is, he's so healthy...really. Both of our birthdays are approaching, we both share the same day. Before I was born, he didn't want me. Now he's sad that I will not be able to share our day together. Nature plays hysterically cruel tricks sometimes.
I talked to my little brother and sister (9 and 7) yesterday, I miss them so much. I think about them everyday. They're growing up without me for the first time in their lives. I saw those little guys nearly every day since they were born. Now its been what's going on 4 months without them. I still remember the last time I saw them, walking up the stairs trying not to cry, only to hear their sobs once they were upstairs in their rooms. It hurts. I'm fearful of seeing them again, afraid of the truth that they will not be my "babies" when my naked eye falls upon them again. Afraid that they wont love me as much as they did when I left because they know less of me. I trust they will....buut.....it's my fear.
Blah.
I hate thinking about that.
I'm watching her do her homework right now. I know that she would really rather not be doing it, but...she's a smart gal and she's doing the right thing. I hear her twins laughter outside of the room...followed by a bellowing burp. I'm fitting in quite well here, it's been a long process...but it's slowly coming together. The thing is....we're fine....it's the environment around me that troubles us. Still, everything is on the up and up. I'm happy. She really is my best friend. I just hope I'm doing the right things so that she feels the same way.
Ha, she's singing now.
Strange. A year ago I would have NEVER imagined living here in California.
Deep inside my jumbled thoughts....I know I'm so lucky.
Funny how these things work out.
I got some bad news about my pops yesterday. He's had this problem with his intestines and he's been fighting it off for about ten years now....surgeries and everything. It's almost taken him from us, twice. Well it's come back, again. I feel really bad, like I should be there for him and the family. I know he wants my happiness, which is here with her. But, I don't know...I'm nervous. The funny thing is, he's so healthy...really. Both of our birthdays are approaching, we both share the same day. Before I was born, he didn't want me. Now he's sad that I will not be able to share our day together. Nature plays hysterically cruel tricks sometimes.
I talked to my little brother and sister (9 and 7) yesterday, I miss them so much. I think about them everyday. They're growing up without me for the first time in their lives. I saw those little guys nearly every day since they were born. Now its been what's going on 4 months without them. I still remember the last time I saw them, walking up the stairs trying not to cry, only to hear their sobs once they were upstairs in their rooms. It hurts. I'm fearful of seeing them again, afraid of the truth that they will not be my "babies" when my naked eye falls upon them again. Afraid that they wont love me as much as they did when I left because they know less of me. I trust they will....buut.....it's my fear.
Blah.
I hate thinking about that.
I'm watching her do her homework right now. I know that she would really rather not be doing it, but...she's a smart gal and she's doing the right thing. I hear her twins laughter outside of the room...followed by a bellowing burp. I'm fitting in quite well here, it's been a long process...but it's slowly coming together. The thing is....we're fine....it's the environment around me that troubles us. Still, everything is on the up and up. I'm happy. She really is my best friend. I just hope I'm doing the right things so that she feels the same way.
Ha, she's singing now.
Strange. A year ago I would have NEVER imagined living here in California.
Deep inside my jumbled thoughts....I know I'm so lucky.
Funny how these things work out.
VIEW 25 of 134 COMMENTS
surfbetty:
if my train goes off the track..pick it up, pick it up, pick it up..back on the scene.. 
mistakesmade:
Uhhh probably never. Cause I'm lasy like that so i don't care about reapplying. Thats all.
