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donatella

Born - Buzzard's Bay, MassHeart is in Sembawang, Singapore (core portion of my education, growth,

Member Since 2002

Followers 77 Following 57

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Friday Jul 05, 2013

Jul 5, 2013
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I have been going through an array of issues these past two weeks with my family threatening me, and trying to force me to "detransition"...my grandfather had even pulled a knife on me for being kathoey. Constant barrage of insults and religious propaganda, being told that I am an abomination and a failure, ugly and a freak, that my "kind of people" (meaning ALL people belonging to the LGBTQ community) have no morals, standards, faith, integrity, loyalty, sense, responsibility, and that "we" are what is wrong with the world and why "the country" is being destroyed and filled with nothing but degenerate and social parasites. Being told that I am "touched by evil" and "demonically possessed" for being kathoey...the list goes on....

On a positive note, I found out that I have a cousin that is a professional TS dominatrix who is "adopting" me, and is going to be teaching me things about cosplay, and modeling, and just being a mentor and a "Fairy" Godmumsy to me.

My GF moved to Maine and is trying to find a place for us, and a way to help support me, and move me up there...if not, she will be returning here.

Meanwhile, she had introduced me to some new people. And there is a guy that is VERY persistent about meeting me and trying to form a potentially romantic relationship, or some sort of physical relationship...which I do not know how I feel about that; although, I am quite lonely and desperate for a more solid relationship. I just do not know how I feel about him, what he is expecting, if it can be trusted, or if it is even something I am looking for.

I am very fragile, physically and emotionally, and I have many "special" needs. My experience with men has never been too good; however, nor have women. I feel more "safe" with women, but "intimidated" by men. Men often pressure the most for a physical relationship that does not seem to last very long, and do not satisfy my emotional needs. Especially when it comes to cuddling, that is not something often offered, and kissy cuddles is what I am all about. With women, I get the best and most intense kissy cuddles, my emotional needs are satisfied, but not too often are my physical needs. I am willing to fore-go my physical needs, and I am polyamorous....basically looking for a man...and...a woman....or and all in one sort of deal. Like...another kathoey. But finding people that are interested in a polyamorous relationship circle of mutual trust, love, and respect is impossible...

I not mind, nor am I opposed to being in any form of a monogamous relationship. Just that I have VERY high expectations of those sort of relationships that often are never met. Loyalty being the greatest issue, next to communication...or the lack of it. I am VERY open about my feelings and my needs. I have never been in a monogamous relationship where I was the one not loyal. I am VERY loyal due to my EXTREMELY submissive nature, which is the problem. Partners I have had in such relationships would never communicate their wants or needs, were always cheating, and not treating me with respect, loyalty, honesty, or any way that is required for such a relationship to work. It was always about what they wanted, but expecting me to just know it.

Men have been the most violent and volatile towards me, and completely abusing my submissive nature on a physical level that leaves me damaged and broken.

Women have taken advantage of my extreme submissiveness to lie and cheat and rip at my emotions...which actually hurts me the most.

Where I had found a spiritual and gender equilibrium as a kathoey, I am looking for someone(s) that can provide a sexual and emotional equilibrium....and I do not know how to even go about finding such a person or people.

Always open to try new things, give old things another chance, but always looking for truly mutual love and respect...even if it has to reside in being great friends with intimacy, and nothing more...in fact...that is ideal.

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