so yeah this weekend was crazy. i keep drinking!! this is the second weekend in a row that i have drank. and not just drank, i mean got hammered. and im really getting scared. im scared i cant stop. so i am going to go back to A.A. before i get to deep into my binge. i am also starting to get very depressed again and i know its due to my drinking. the only thing is i dont know what is driving me to drink!! i honestly have been trying to relax and close my eyes and think about what is driving me to it. i think part of it is from my friends partying all around me and me not having anyone sober to talk to. and also my feelings for my ex. i know silly right. but to be honest, drinking numbs my feelings, and i dont have to think about it.i just flirt with guys and try not to think about him. but it sucks because then when my hangover is gone the only guy i think about is him, and how i am not with him. i hate it. i hate it so much. and know im drinking again!! i have to stop. i have too. otherwise i will just fuck everything up that i have worked so hard for. anyways if you pray, please pray for me. otherwise please just send me good wishes. i need good thoughts to get me through this funk im in.





p.s. i really need sober people in my life and i need to apologize to one peticular. justin. im sorry i got so mad at you for telling me the truth. i just didnt want to hear it. i hope u can forgive my attitude. but i really need help. if your still offering it that is.