dominanefret

Pernicious:
1. Causing insidious harm or ruin; ruinous; injurious; hurtful.
2. Deadly; fatal.
3. Evil; wicked.


Pleasant, isn't it?
The thing about pernicious anemia is that it is sneaky. The symptoms are varied and often fairly subtle. Each on its own can mimic something else. Several of the symptoms in combination can look like a bad cold or the flue. Some you don't even think about. They either seem normal or you write them off to being tired, sitting or sleeping in an awkward position, eating something that disagreed with you.
It isn't like other chronic conditions where there is one specific thing, a single sign that says to you in flashing neon letters "I'm Back!!" So many things must be working in conjunction. You have to pay attention. It is harder than it sounds.

I remember when I was diagnosed. I used to be sick, feel sick all the time. I went from doctor to doctor to doctor, who in turn either told me nothing was wrong or gave me some vague or random diagnosis hoping to hit a blind bullseye. At sixteen they decided it was tonsilitis and yanked my tonsils out, to no avail. I was told "it may be lupus". Sounds like an episode of House, right? Everyone has lupus. A lot of the symptoms fit. Aching joints, fever, fatigue, pain in chest on deep breathing, sun or light sensitivity. The lupus foundation says to see a doctor if you have three or more of the symptoms. I had/have six. Next I heard "it may be MS". That one scared my mother, a lot. Especially because of how well the symptoms fit. Better even than lupus. Fatigue, numbness, balance/coordination problems, vision problems, dizziness and vertigo, sexual dysfunction, emotional changes, and depression.
So we decided to see a rheumatologist. I thought it was kind of strange, in my head a rheumatologist was an arthritis doctor, and why would I need that? I didn't realize that rheumatology also covers a wide range of autoimmune disorders. It was the first time I had ever been to a specialist (other than an ENT)and she performed a lot of tests I wasn't used to. I walked back and forth. I punched. I kicked. I moved my neck back and forth. She took my pulse and blood pressure when sitting, then right after standing up. (They plummeted.) She tested how long it took for me to get my pulse and blood pressure back to normal. After a thorough exam she said "well, lupus and MS do fit, but I don't think that is what this is." So she ordered a full blood work up.
At first she thought nothing was wrong. Everything was normal, or close to normal. She called and told my mom this. Then, shortly later, she called back. Apparently one of the nurses left the second page of the report in the printer tray. On that page was the answer. My Vitamin B12 levels were dangerously low. Almost nonexistent. I had a name for it. Pernicious Anemia.
Pernicious Anemia is a condition in which the body does not make enough red blood cells due to a lack of vitamin B12 in the body. This is caused by malabsorption, the body losing its ability to extract B12 food. Apparently this means that the body is lacking in its intrinsic factor, which aids in this absorption. Intrinsic factor, what a name, eh?
My B12 levels were so low I had to give myself shots twice a day for a week, once a day for the rest of the month, and once a week or every other week for awhile after that.
After being given a diagnosis, and shown how to give myself the injections, I spent some time researching PA. The name was just.. intimidating. Pernicious? Me?

Upon looking over the lists of common symptoms, everything made sense.
Symptoms:
Bleeding gums
Diarrhea
Constipation (yes, both)
Fatigue
Loss of Appetite
Pallor
Personality or memory changes
Rapid heart rate
Shortness of Breath
Tingling or numbness in extremities.
Sore Mouth
Unsteady gait
Low grade fever
Waking up tired
Brittle, easily damaged nails
"Foggyness"
Malaise (ha!)
Muscle Spasms
Weakness
Dizziness/fainting spells/vertigo

It all fit. It all made sense. Within a pretty short period of time I felt a lot better.

I got things under control and for the better part of four years I had my health back. I stopped taking injections and started taking a supplement under the tongue once a month. Eventually I stopped thinking about it. I felt better, so there was nothing to worry about.


Back in November I got sick. Then I got sick again. And again. I had been waking up two hours before class so that I could have me time before school. I started sleeping until the moment before I had to leave. My work started getting harder and harder for me to focus on. I just couldn't think. I had diarrhea on an off which I attributed to stomach bugs. I started having dizzy spells upon standing up again. The slightest bit of physical activity caused me not be able to breathe.

I didn't think about it. In my head it was all because of a combination of stress, depression, exhaustion, and a little bit of illness. It just wasn't going away.

Realizing what is actually going on was a "duh!" moment for me. I was trying to sleep and having issues with night sweats and cold snaps. All the while my arms and shoulders were going numb. And my feet. I thought I was just lying on them wrong, so I would move. Inevitably they would go tingly and numb again right away. Suddenly I went Wait a Minute! Numbness? Exhaustion? Foggyness? Duh.
I started reading again and went DUH! My rheumatologist is having me take four under the tongue supplements a day. 4,000 mgs. It makes me feel a little better. A little.

In doing my reading I came upon another discovery.
I don't think I talked about this here, but this past summer I had an abnormal result on a papsmear. My OBGYN was worried about the potential for cervical cancer, so I had to go in for a cervical biopsy. It was not happy. It came back negative for cancer, but.. "strange". I was told instead of waiting for my next annual, to come in everything four months or so for another biopsy to monitor my condition. I assumed that somehow I had contracted the high risk form of HPV. Knowing the percentage of the population that has HPV, I figured that the odds were against me.
What I didn't know is that pernicious anemia, because of the changes it causes in red blood cells especially in the lining of intestines, often causes false positives on pap smears. This was six months ago. Had I known this information at the time a red flag would have gone up and I would have started taking preventative measures. I wouldn't have gotten to this point without realizing what was going on.
In my reading it also came up that PA is the most common among people of Celtic and Scandinavian heritage. Leaving out the 1/4 of me that is German, what is the rest of me? Celtic and Scandinavian! Scottish, Irish, and Swedish.
I just thought that was interesting.

And you know what? My constantly forgetting, or not being able to think of simple words, a loss of communication skill you might say, should have been a good warning sign too.


So what does all of this mean? Why am I talking about it now?
Block starts tomorrow. I should be leaving for Mexico on Friday.
After some deep introspection and conversations with my mother it has been decided that my health is more important than spending three weeks in warm, sunny, semi-tropical Kino Bay. With my current state of constant exhaustion, and needing to sleep lengthy amounts of time, AND waking up still tired, and not being able to concentrate or focus on much of anything, etc. I would be pretty useless on such a trip.
So, instead, I am going back to Virginia for three weeks. I am going to see my rheumatologist. I am also going to make appointments with all of the other doctors I have yet to be able to find replacements for out here. My OBGYN. My psychologist for more prescriptions. (I have called a TON of psychologists out here, and not heard back from any of them.)I am going to focus on doing what I can do to feel better and go back and be successful at school.

I've talked about the format of PC before. Block, quarter, block, quarter. One class per block, three per quarter. (Quarters are actually being turned in to semesters now, so that we will be dealing in semester credits and things like transferring credits, etc. will be easier.) Each class is worth 6 quarter credits, or 4 semester credits.
Full time is 12 semester credits. That is how much you pay for per term. Which in affect means if you choose (it is not required) to take three classes in a quarter you end up with 16 semester credits per term.
The issue is that the extra "free" class does not count towards your standing as full time. So if you don't take a block class, even though you are taking 12 credits you are only paying for 8. Making you part time.
So I need to take a class for block to keep my financial aid. I've come up with a plan for it, and while it would normally currently be considered too late, because of my special circumstances I should be able to apply for an exception.


This is the plan I have for my IS:
Literature, Writing, and Sense of Place.
In this independent study course I will be examining the theme of sense of place in literature and writing. In order to achieve this I have set the following goals for myself:
Read three books by well known authors which strongly portray the theme of sense of place.
East of Eden - by John Steinbeck
As I Lay Dying - William Faulkner
The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
After reading each book I will respond in two ways. I will write a personal analytical response to the book as a whole and I will write another response concentrating on the theme of sense of place within. In total I will write between 5 and 10 pages on each book, divided between the two papers.
Concentrating on Washington, DC and the DC metro area,I will explore my own personal sense of place by visiting 7-10 area landmarks. I will respond to each with a 1-3 page long short story or piece of creative writing prominently featuring the site visited.
Potential sites for visitation:
The National Museum of Natural History
The National American History Museum (newly renovated, just reopened to the public.)
The Freer Gallery of Art and Arthur M. Sackler gallery
The Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center of the National Air and Space Museum
Old Town Alexandria
Mount Vernon Plantation
The Zoo
Dupont Circle, Washington D.C.
The Library of Congress
etc.

I will spend time every day writing. In an attempt to further bring a sense of place into my writing I will work on my writing in a variety of public places, using those places and all of the locations I visit as a source of inspiration. The end result will be approximately thirty pages of creative fiction evoking a sense of place. This may be in the form of the beginning of a novel, a short story, or multiple short stories.

My portfolio will include the following: Two response papers to each of the books I read, typed creative responses to each site I visit, a rough draft of my final piece with written comments from a reviewer, and a rewritten polished copy of the final piece.


My fingers are crossed for this to go through.
Cross your fingers for me, please?