dominanefret

I just typed out a WAY long post and my damned cat walked across the keyboard and erased it.

It was all stuff I really wanted to say and get out too. And now I am trying to decide if attempting to write it all out again is worth it.

I'll see what I can remember, and what I am not too lazy to type out again.
-------

The amount with which people have the capacity to disappoint is amazing. You would think that after being friends with someone for a very long time they would be considerate enough to talk to you about your issues instead of just making rash and childish decisions all the while refusing to talk to you. I guess though that not everyone is really capable of compassion and communication.

The strangest thing though is that I am oddly apathetic about this. I am angry, sure. But most I am just thinking "well, if that is how they are going to behave then they aren't worth being friends anyway." This coming from me is shocking. I am the girl that in the past that would freak out, scream, cry, blab about it to anyone who is willing to listen, and in general just be very histrionic. Coming to the point where I don't think that is worth it anymore? It is weird.

I feel like I am losing my innocence. I never had much, but some of it was there. I have always had this innocent and optimistic view on relationships. That people in general are great and important and that relationships are worth fighting for and putting all of myself in to. I have always done that. And through that philosophy losing a relationship was a crushing blow.

My one concession to naivety was in regards to relationships. I thought that people would give me as much as I gave them. (Which is interesting, because this is something that has only really happened in friendships. That has never really happened in my romantic relationships.)

So coming to the point where I realize that I can respect the inherent worth and dignity of every person, but that doesn't mean I have to be friends with all of them or even like all of them is kind of weird to me.

This whole "maturing" thing is weird.

I liked my optimism. And I need to realize that I don't have to give it up, I just need to reframe it.

Because I do have people in my life that are wonderful and mature and compassionate. I need to start concentrating on those people instead of clutching on to a group of friends that causes more drama and problems than anything else.

I make no claim to be more mature that people my age. I just have come to the point where I do not enjoy spending time with people my own age. Thus the age range of my social group has raised a good deal.

I have decided that I need to make becoming mentally healthy a priority. I haven't been mentally healthy in a long time.

One of the ways that I want to achieve this is by only concentrating on one thing at a time. I realize that when I concentrate on too much at once, and try too much and once, I end up freaking out and giving up on everything. So I need to not overextend myself.

I am going to be happy with my 8 hour work week, and concentrate on finishing my book.

-------

On a more positive note!

I finally got to meet miss Molly Crabapple on Monday! And she is even more wonderful and beautiful in person. I have to say, I was nervous around her. I have had a silly online girl crush on her ever since I first discovered sg.

I went to JenIsFamous's comedy show in dc with Dierdre, SaintInsomniac, and his two friends from Oregan. (I really almost typed "organ") That is where I met Molly and of course the wonderful JenIsFamous.

I am trying to decide what I want to do this weekend. Part of me wants to go down south and see MrDeity and part of me wants to see about spending time with some people that I have been kind of neglecting and/or don't get to see all that often. I also work on saturday, so if I decide to go down this weekend I need to find someone to take over my shift.

-----

It is interesting. After getting all of that out... I do feel strangely optimistic. I feel like in the end all of this will be good for me. Reframing. Reframing.

And to those of you who actually read all of that... Thankyou.

This is also one of the happier Damien Rice songs that I am listening to right now.

-----



MrDeity and I are WAY cute. For serious.