-- So I have just realized that I do not currently have an alarm clock. Now I am getting panicky taht I am not going to wake up in time for my interview. So if any of you have my home number and are awake at around 11:30 est tomorrow will you call and make sure I am up??
* I have a job interview tomorrow. At a cafe. I like Baristaing, so hopefully I will get it. I have hope, since I have experience, and all of the kids who work there pretty much look just like me. I think I would probably be one of the older people working there.... but that is okay. So keep your fingers crossed for me.
* I went to therapy with my mom and dad yesterday. I hadn't done that since my early high school years. It always ends up highly frustrating me.. but this time we actually did get through some things and make some deals.
* It looks like I am going to be able to take my brothers bedroom in the basement since he is in school. This is good because it means I will have more space, more privacy, be closer to my sewing stuff, and will be able to have friends over without keeping my parents awake.
* We made a deal that they are going to get me a lap top. I have to get them a 100 dollar down payment, then I will be paying 100 dollars a month until I have payed for half of it. This will be very very good for me for several reasons. It will teach me how to have that kind of monthly payment on something, and I will have a lap top I can take places and work on my book.
* I was stupid and said something to a friend that I shouldn't have and ended up hurting them. I didn't say it TO hurt them, and before I said it thought it was the right thing to do. It wasn't until immediately after I said it that I realized I shouldn't have. I have since realized why I said it, or thought it was appropriate to say it.. and that brings up a whole bunch of other stuff/issues in my own book.
* I still do think that she is being upset at me for saying it, instead of at him for making the decision, because it is always easier to blame the girl. I am not saying I am blameless, because I know that is not the case.
* Saturday night I gave a handjob that I shouldn't have given. I am just in general upset and frustrated by that situation. Random sex is NOT a good way to grieve. At least he understood that is why things happened, and isn't upset at me and doesn't expect anything more from me. I still feel really dirty about it though. I wouldn't let him kiss me or really touch me while it was happening either. Oh stupid Heather.
* My vagina has a big *CLOSED FOR BUSINESS* sign over it. I've started really really disliking and feeling grossed out by doing stuff with people I don't have feelings for. I have never truelly enjoyed it, but I used to do it.. I guess to make myself feel better. Or because I was being wreckless. Or because I was living up to expectations.
* That being said, I still am really craving physical personal contact. I am not craving "getting laid" or "fucking." I am craving something more than that. The kind with rain falling in the background, and prett music playing softly enough that one can still hear the rain pounding. The kind that is slow and sweet and involves a lot of eye contact and soft kisses.
No that I am likely to get anything like that any time soon.
* I have a job interview tomorrow. At a cafe. I like Baristaing, so hopefully I will get it. I have hope, since I have experience, and all of the kids who work there pretty much look just like me. I think I would probably be one of the older people working there.... but that is okay. So keep your fingers crossed for me.
* I went to therapy with my mom and dad yesterday. I hadn't done that since my early high school years. It always ends up highly frustrating me.. but this time we actually did get through some things and make some deals.
* It looks like I am going to be able to take my brothers bedroom in the basement since he is in school. This is good because it means I will have more space, more privacy, be closer to my sewing stuff, and will be able to have friends over without keeping my parents awake.
* We made a deal that they are going to get me a lap top. I have to get them a 100 dollar down payment, then I will be paying 100 dollars a month until I have payed for half of it. This will be very very good for me for several reasons. It will teach me how to have that kind of monthly payment on something, and I will have a lap top I can take places and work on my book.
* I was stupid and said something to a friend that I shouldn't have and ended up hurting them. I didn't say it TO hurt them, and before I said it thought it was the right thing to do. It wasn't until immediately after I said it that I realized I shouldn't have. I have since realized why I said it, or thought it was appropriate to say it.. and that brings up a whole bunch of other stuff/issues in my own book.
* I still do think that she is being upset at me for saying it, instead of at him for making the decision, because it is always easier to blame the girl. I am not saying I am blameless, because I know that is not the case.
* Saturday night I gave a handjob that I shouldn't have given. I am just in general upset and frustrated by that situation. Random sex is NOT a good way to grieve. At least he understood that is why things happened, and isn't upset at me and doesn't expect anything more from me. I still feel really dirty about it though. I wouldn't let him kiss me or really touch me while it was happening either. Oh stupid Heather.
* My vagina has a big *CLOSED FOR BUSINESS* sign over it. I've started really really disliking and feeling grossed out by doing stuff with people I don't have feelings for. I have never truelly enjoyed it, but I used to do it.. I guess to make myself feel better. Or because I was being wreckless. Or because I was living up to expectations.
* That being said, I still am really craving physical personal contact. I am not craving "getting laid" or "fucking." I am craving something more than that. The kind with rain falling in the background, and prett music playing softly enough that one can still hear the rain pounding. The kind that is slow and sweet and involves a lot of eye contact and soft kisses.
No that I am likely to get anything like that any time soon.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
tadzi:
hey babe, i did try calling you last night, as you requested, thinking that your phone was working again, but alas its not. im still very willing to be here if you need me. perhaps you can call me from home on my phone tonight?
user209834982:
i took everyone off, i had way too many people on there!