dominanefret

I skipped the viewing to go to the Renn Fest.

But then ended up feeling so guilty the last two hours that I was there that I was just as miserable anyway.

My mom went. She told me that it was good I didn't go. Apparently he looked pretty aweful. I guess that is what autopsy and delaying embalming will do to you.

And in the end they don't know what happened. The autopsy didn't find anything. The official result is just "natural causes." Nothing more. Twenty years old.

I hadn't really cried yet... but on the way to the car after the Renn Fest I just broke down. There was other stuff going on too.. and it just overwhelmed me. I fell in the grass and pulled my knees up to my chest and started sobbing and hyperventilating.

I am going to the funeral tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it.. but I am going to be there.

Luckily (hah. right.) my mother didn't actually sell my only funeral appropriate dress at the yard sale last weekend.\

I'm just pretty miserable in general. I am waiting for a time where I can feel like I can breathe.