dolphingirl001

well lets see what can i say.... i wish things were going better and i know it just takes time but fuck i hate this last night i couldnt sleep so i drove to the beach at like 5:30 in the morning to watch the sunrise it was amazing, i remembered why i lived in cali. i forgot how beauitful it was out there sitting on the sand with the wind blowing in my hair and smelling the ocean air and hearing the waves crash on the sand it was so calm and beauitful i cant even put into words how i felt at that moment. it was almost like my life made sence like for that one moment everything just fell into place. i put me first and i forgot about money and not having a job and not having someone to share my life with and for once in a long time i felt good about myself. eventhough it only lasted about a few mintues it was enough. for once in a long time i felt happy and ready to take on the world but like everything else that happiness goes away and im still alone. i wish i know where my life was going i mean my friend is the same age as me and already has a great job, a beauitful house and a baby on the way and it gets me thinking that im just wasting my time. im 25 and i have nothing to show for it yeah ok i live on my own woohoo but if i dont get a job soon ill have to move back home. other than that what do i have? ill tell ya.. NOTHING. sitting on that beach made me think about things like where am i going, will i know what to do when i get there and when can i finally say im happy and really mean it. i was happy once i had a good job and a great girl who i would do anything for and when i finallly opened my heart and put down that wall that i always put up to protect myself she ends it but thats just my luck everytime i think things are going well something bad always has to happen. thats my life in a nut shell. i just wish i could go back to that moment on the beach where i was truly happy and just stay there.

sorry this entrie is so sad but thats just how i feel at this moment