But I guess if I really think about it, there's more.....And on a lower note...I feel so unsure about things lately...maybe more curious than unsure, or just worried about what the future might entail. I've wondered if I'll really do well at Concordia in this program. Do I have what it takes? How do I even know...I haven't done anything academic or even journalistic this summer and feel very unproductive in that sense; which also worries me. If i were that serious and "into" this stuff, woudln't I be looking into it more? ie. what the hell am I doing... I'm afraid that once it all comes down on me I won't know what to do, or how to do it properly, or if I can even do whatever it is I'm supposed to....I just hope I find what I'm looking for and learn more about myself along the way. I'm stil young, and I'm really starting to value my youth this past year...If this whole "journalism" isn't for me or is too much, I don't know what I'll do. I don't even really have any "plan b's" or alternate arrangements. Of course I plan to join a volunteer program for overseas when I've graduated so I can work in a developing country for a year or so, no question, I definitely want to get in some more humanitarian service work done at some point...The problem is that there's so much I want to do, and I've been finding a ton of inspiration in so many things lately...I'm afraid that if what I do for the next 2 1/2 years isn't for me I may not take something out of it or continue to progress from there. And I've been telling everyone I'm going into Journalism, so there'll be questions, expectations, and all that. I don't even think I'll be a good journalist, all considering, hell, I hate the camera AND the sound of my voice! And apparnelty I suck at geography...at least American geography, but really, who counts the USA in individual states! It's just a big block of land as far as I'm concerned!!! (jk)...All in all I hope to take something good out of it, and I have afeeling that nearly 3 years in Quebec will change the course of my life...just curious as to where it may lead....
I've been asking myself a lot of questions lately too, not much of which I want to post on here I guess...I will admit that I have this superstition that if I expect or hope for something it won't come true, like saying your wish out loud. Although, it's not really a wish, more of a conception. Alright...enough said in that department.
And above all, the thing I've felt hte most pressure about lately: My brother wants me to design a tattoo for him so he can get it inked before I leave, or maybe down east before they drop me off...He didn't even specify what he wanted, he said "just something out of your mind, your thoughts", something that will remind him of me, and he completely trusts that whatever i come up with will be suitable to tatoo on his body, and of course I feel honoured, I know there's a lot of love and faith coming out of what he menas by this...but I don't know if i could do it, but i have to, i dont wnat to let him down. Of course, I have no idea where to start with all of this. Since he's moved out I've missed him so much, if anything ever happened to him I wouldn't know what to do with myself. So yeah, lots of pressure...I feel really privileged that he's putting his faith in me like this, but the last thing I want to do is disappoint the most important person in the world to me.
I've been asking myself a lot of questions lately too, not much of which I want to post on here I guess...I will admit that I have this superstition that if I expect or hope for something it won't come true, like saying your wish out loud. Although, it's not really a wish, more of a conception. Alright...enough said in that department.
And above all, the thing I've felt hte most pressure about lately: My brother wants me to design a tattoo for him so he can get it inked before I leave, or maybe down east before they drop me off...He didn't even specify what he wanted, he said "just something out of your mind, your thoughts", something that will remind him of me, and he completely trusts that whatever i come up with will be suitable to tatoo on his body, and of course I feel honoured, I know there's a lot of love and faith coming out of what he menas by this...but I don't know if i could do it, but i have to, i dont wnat to let him down. Of course, I have no idea where to start with all of this. Since he's moved out I've missed him so much, if anything ever happened to him I wouldn't know what to do with myself. So yeah, lots of pressure...I feel really privileged that he's putting his faith in me like this, but the last thing I want to do is disappoint the most important person in the world to me.