dollfac3

I found all this old stuff I had writted....in April ish....:



Cold dark itching aching wound...
scratching at it for the relief that I want
The relief from you and them and yours
you touch my face and go to kiss my mouth and I want to move away
red spills forth again and
I
cant
stop
my heart
from bleeding out again....
I put my hands to my chest to stop the flow
and the beat is like a bird held, cupped to my breast
rapid and panicked and dying to be free
scarlet ribbons of your misuse
fall to the fall
and i cant pick them up
as the serrated box of my heart has cut my fingers
except the box is cracked too
broken and bare
just a red stain and an empty left alone feather
from the bird
that wanted to be free
and died
as my love died with me.


Why do you still want me?
to wrap around and fixate on your stare..
Why do you think its ok
to kiss me,
to try and hold me that way
after what you took
the part of my mind you broke
the left behind shell
that has to get up and start
all over again
I dont understand
You really really dont get me.....

I watch the empty hills for signs they were there. The horsemen, the fastest, the reapers of men. The hoof beats over hills, the lost cries of dying men. Wind catches my hair, eyes water and heather looks lost and alone and almost scared. Can I feel the earth beat? Can I feel their cry soar? Can I feel wind in my face as I join their race. To reclaim the land. That was took from them. I feel the mother of them, held their hand into battle, stayed and nurtured and cared for the sick. Epona? Mother earth or goddess of men. I want to join their battle, of old, and race away. Join the highland men.
This next one was written about someone who was the love of my life, whom I still feel for....a beautiful boy with dreads and tattoos...he was ace! It was writted in april after a shit time with a twat!

as I sit and watch the life leave
running through my hands, and in my head
I think of you and what you meant, and smile because I loved you
and laugh because I cared
once upon a time
but your not the ex, or even the other, you are the long ago
the left behind,
the moved on from
am I glad I have my memories of you right now
to prove that once I smiled when someone else did
once I was held like I was wanted
I miss those times,
how you made me smile easier than anyone else since
I dont want you but I feel its time to move on
and forget the last because he just causes pain
forget the past for the moment
and hold the future in my mind
the ideas of the summer days to come
the festival fun and warm beer days
the longer months and sweet drink ways...
All i have is here and now and within the next.
Let me go my pain
freedom is to be found in the pathways of my own choosing
in the making of now...
the summer I need to have begun...

Spoken word piece...2008:

Balmy nights and heated days all curling into each other
Like lovers and brothers leaving each other to meet again
Sticky ice-cream, finger prints left on car windows, eager faces gleam in the light.
Dogs wag hello in parks, chasing balls and tails and each other
Panting in heat and leaving trails of excited spit and moist noses pressed into owners hands
Bubbles in beer and cigarette smoke lost into blue lit sky
Sticky coke and wasps around bottle tops
Salad on lawn bbq evenings, filled with laughter and giddy ends
Sun beats down and daylight creates escapes
To parks, to the sea, to each others gardens.

Crisp days start with white crisp grass
Footsteps leave prints that stay until a bright sun rises
Shedding no warmth but creating low slung shadows
Drivers squint into evening light, dusky orb lower
People waiting for buses stamp their feet not quite sure of their clothes
No big coats yet and mittens forgotten, still in their drawer
Left there to be uncovered for another year
Children sound brittle and sharp in mornings filled with mist
Scattering to school wishing for longer days
That seem so long ago now, left in a haze.

Trees are naked and left alone to their modesty
Windows cry condensation tears of centrally heated lives
Beds are pregnant with overloaded blankets
And the sky is grey and omnipresent
Pervading our lives and creating misprints of depression
Older streets betray consciences with coal smoked swirls
Higher into the sky
Ecology forgotten in the fight for warm bodies
And desperate attention to layered for the outside
Greyness and white and lost to the ever darkness day into night

A little touch of green into the greyness thats been
Watching over the drudge through the short days
Yet here it is that touch of life
And people seem brighter finding forgotten life
Where only stale breath has been
Animals quicken and birds collect their mortar
Of wool and twigs and spread wings on warming air streams
Pale snowdrops peek and slowly yellow shows through
With fields of daffodils to slay the dragon
The everlong winter that just has been