I'm only really writing a new entry because I didn't want the last one I wrote to be the most recent 
So I went to Cathy's house last night.
Cathy is a friend from college. Back in the day. When was it..? 2002-ish.
She looks so much healthier than she did. I don't think her boyfriend was doing much to help her with life but now she's got rid of him. And she has rats and bunny rabbits!
[There is no emoticon for a rabbit so a cat will have to do
]
They were let loose and ran around on my shoulders and between my legs and along my arms. They were so cute!
It makes me want to get a pet. The perfect pet for me though, would be a kitten and it wouldn't be a good idea.
Against the rules of the house. And it would cost too much. And what if I go away?
So yeh, I had a good chat with Catheh and it put me in such a good mood. She's not my best friend but she still has the ability to make me feel amazing.
After that, I came home to find Rachel outside our house. We sat on our doorstep for a while and had a chat.
She kept talking about her dickhead of a boyfriend and it made me want to cry.
I don't understand why pretty girls end up with cunts when I'm sitting right there next to her and am single?
He's the one that took her laptop, called her to say he'd be over at 21:00, then switched off his phone and never turned up. Not me.
Grr
Anyway, I left her walking the streets trying to find him and I headed for Luke and Rosie's night at The Subculture, Primitive.
It was... ok.
The same as any other night I've had recently, I guess?
I felt really happy at the beginning when I went in and was greeted by all my friends. Then spent a few hours sat on my own staring into space. Then danced like a crazy motherfucker and enjoyed everything!
Spoke to Rocky quite a bit, and Saz a lil' too. Luke, Rosie, Becki [sp?], Shona, Paul, Fran, Deddie... Quite a few peeps.
Luke bought me a drink and said to me, "If you ever want to, y'know, just come over and watch movies or TV then you're welcome to. We don't even have to talk. Just come and chill out."
At that point I had a warm feeling spread through my chest.
I realized that I have friends.
I mean, obviously I have friends and have had quite a few for quite a while... But it just struck me that if I really need I can go round to any of their houses and just sit with them. I don't have to have a reason or an excuse.
I can just go and relax with them
It was an awesome night after that.
Yehhh.
I'm going to have to get a job soon.
But the thought of it fills me with dread. I think I need to get something part time for now. To ease me in.
I'm just worried that with my current state of mind, I won't be able to hold down anything at all.
That's why I'm postponing looking. I'd hate to begin looking and find my perfect job but end up getting fired from it because the boss found me crying in the store cupboard or whatever...
The plan is:
Stop being such a fucking misery.
Get a job that I can stomach and that will tide me over for a bit.
Meet new people, continue networking, find someone who wants to go out with me.
BE HAPPY!
So I went to Cathy's house last night.
Cathy is a friend from college. Back in the day. When was it..? 2002-ish.
She looks so much healthier than she did. I don't think her boyfriend was doing much to help her with life but now she's got rid of him. And she has rats and bunny rabbits!
[There is no emoticon for a rabbit so a cat will have to do
]They were let loose and ran around on my shoulders and between my legs and along my arms. They were so cute!
It makes me want to get a pet. The perfect pet for me though, would be a kitten and it wouldn't be a good idea.
Against the rules of the house. And it would cost too much. And what if I go away?
So yeh, I had a good chat with Catheh and it put me in such a good mood. She's not my best friend but she still has the ability to make me feel amazing.
After that, I came home to find Rachel outside our house. We sat on our doorstep for a while and had a chat.
She kept talking about her dickhead of a boyfriend and it made me want to cry.
I don't understand why pretty girls end up with cunts when I'm sitting right there next to her and am single?
He's the one that took her laptop, called her to say he'd be over at 21:00, then switched off his phone and never turned up. Not me.
Grr
Anyway, I left her walking the streets trying to find him and I headed for Luke and Rosie's night at The Subculture, Primitive.
It was... ok.
The same as any other night I've had recently, I guess?
I felt really happy at the beginning when I went in and was greeted by all my friends. Then spent a few hours sat on my own staring into space. Then danced like a crazy motherfucker and enjoyed everything!
Spoke to Rocky quite a bit, and Saz a lil' too. Luke, Rosie, Becki [sp?], Shona, Paul, Fran, Deddie... Quite a few peeps.
Luke bought me a drink and said to me, "If you ever want to, y'know, just come over and watch movies or TV then you're welcome to. We don't even have to talk. Just come and chill out."
At that point I had a warm feeling spread through my chest.
I realized that I have friends.
I mean, obviously I have friends and have had quite a few for quite a while... But it just struck me that if I really need I can go round to any of their houses and just sit with them. I don't have to have a reason or an excuse.
I can just go and relax with them
It was an awesome night after that.
Yehhh.
I'm going to have to get a job soon.
But the thought of it fills me with dread. I think I need to get something part time for now. To ease me in.
I'm just worried that with my current state of mind, I won't be able to hold down anything at all.
That's why I'm postponing looking. I'd hate to begin looking and find my perfect job but end up getting fired from it because the boss found me crying in the store cupboard or whatever...
The plan is:
Stop being such a fucking misery.
Get a job that I can stomach and that will tide me over for a bit.
Meet new people, continue networking, find someone who wants to go out with me.
BE HAPPY!
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If I'm not feeling well anyway, i.e. my stomach infection problems that always come back, my blood pressure will be all over the place. I tend to black out more often when I'm ill.
If it drops, I can feel it going cos I'll get very dizzy and start to feel a bit sick.
Sometimes it just hits me and I'll pass out but sometimes I don't actually lose conscience but I totally lose control over what I'm doing. I mean, I can feel myself fitting (I fit when I black out) but I can still see everything, just really blurry. And I can feel myself hit the floor, and know it hurts, but not be able to move properly.
If a "normal" person stands up to quick or gets out of bed in the morning for example, their blood vessels open further so blood can pass up to their brain. What happens with me is that my vessels can't handle it and close right up.. therefore no oxygen to the brain and I'll pass out and probably fit too. They thought I had epilepsy for years and years.. It's the same if I get too hot from doing something, it takes me like 10 times longer than most people to cool down so I have to sit down if I get overheated so I don't collapse.
It's really not much fun.
Urgh.
Anyway! How are you?? x
what you got up to today? x