doctashock

So I'm pursuing these broads/ every one I ain't trying to fuck/ wanna feel female presence and conversation and such -Common

I really should not relate to those lyrics as much as I do. However it's probably one of the malor themes of my life. I got really bored the other day and called every girl I knew, just to hear a female voice. Of course none of them where home, except for French Toast.

If I forgot to mention, French Toast hates me. She tells me that she's not mad, but the comments she makes behind my back say otherwise. (I've heard her reaction when my name is mentioned in telephone conversations with others. She should really try not to yell in the phone.)

I mean, I can understand if she's mad and doesn't want to hear from me again, but don't tell me one thing and then say another behind my back. (I mean we all get drunk, and sometimes we puke. I'm sorry damn.)

Anyway, I don't know why I long for female conversation sometimes. Which is the perfect segueway:

Now it's time for another edition of real things said by real girls

(If by real you mean real stupid. And yes these have all come from different girls.)

*"Who is that?"
"The Dodgers"
"What does the L.A. stand for on their hats?"
"Um... Los Angeles."
"Well how the fuck am I supposed to know I've never been to fuckin Florida!!!"

*"I don't think I want to date a smart guy, I think I'll just get a stupid boyfriend and have some fun. I don't want anything serious."

*"A good sense of humor is all it takes for a guy to get laid, seriously."

*"You're so funny!!!! Of course I won't sleep with you"

*"It's not like I would have let him put the moves on me, but I'm offended that he didn't try. Not once all night."

*I tell you way too much about my genitalia for somebody I'm not sleeping with."
(I actually agree with that one)

*"We've been fighting a lot since I told you I'm leaving."

*"I really just wanna have a one night stand before I leave town. Idon't know why."

*"That's why we're fighting so much. Because you've been wanting to have sex with me all these years and now you realize it's not gonna happen!!!!"

*"Oh please, I'd fuck you in a minute, but you never showed any interest."

(previous four - same girl, same day, a week before she left - no I did not sleep with her)

*"What do you mean she's not your girlfriend. You almost spend as much time with her as you do with me. Have we really stayed up until 8am?"

*"I'd say I was your fag hag, but you're obviously not gay. How would you descibe our relationship?"

*"You do not treat me like you treat all of your other friends. If you treated John Thursby the way you treated me then people would think you were gay."

*Jermaine and I are really close, we're just not attracted to each other. I don't think. I mean I know he doesn't want me."

*"Yeah I've pretty much had sex with all of my male friends."

"I don't know, i just don't get along with girls. I prefer to have guy friends."
(I have way too many female friends that have fed me this one.)

(This one's so good I had to copy it directly outta the AIM exchange

sundryedsmile: do you want sex or a relationship with her though?
doctashock: come on you know me better than that
doctashock: I thought
doctashock: I should be insulted
sundryedsmile: oh don't even be
sundryedsmile: sometimes sex is just that, and i know you know that
sundryedsmile: and though you don't strike me as the one night stand kinda guy , sometimes thats all even the best of us want, ya know?
doctashock: yeah, but I could never bring myself to go out like that, and we've had this conversation before
doctashock: Now if it was a preunderstood mutual agreement
sundryedsmile: and thats what i meant thank you very much
doctashock: then maybe it would be a different story
sundryedsmile: i didn't mean it in the use her and leave her way
sundryedsmile: i mean is that what you two would be going for
doctashock: I couldn't bring it up
doctashock: if that's what she wanted
doctashock: I don't know


And just so we're not pickin on the females...

*"No you can't call her a broad, we gotta save that term for the bitches we respect."

*"I'm not sayin', but i'm sayin', know what I'm sayin?
(the sad thing is I know exactly what he was talking about.)

*"So it's like you're basically her boyfriend in every sense except for the physical. I don't understand?"

*"It's like I meet 'em and I want to get to know them, so we start hanging out and if she's cool then I let it go from there, but in the begininng I forget to mention that "Oh yeah, i'd like to stick my dick in you at some point"... so by the time I decide she's worth sleeping with, we're all chummy and shit so it's weird changing the dynamic of the relationship and apparently i look like an asshole for trying. I always end up in the fuckin friend zone."
(OK that was me talking to my best friend John while I was drunk and particularly frustrated)

*"You mean I'm the only one in this room who isn't circumcised?"
(yeah that's me again)

I got plenty more, but you'll have to tune in for the next edition. same SG journal, same SG time (well not really, but you know.)



By the way, thanks to PunkNiteMike I'm apparently on myspace now too. So you can find good ol' Jermaine chillin over there.

Found some old comic strips I forgot I saved on my hard drive. Check 'em out in my pics. Just goes to prove that you are what you read.