"The Adult must not be hindered by the name of goodness, but must examineif it be goodness; or badness, for that matter, as in the early decision, "I'm not OK."

So I go in to see my insurance agent because Progressive sends me a letter stating that I owe them about $200. Well this guy is so cool that by the time I left not only did I not owe them any more, they're gonna send me a check in the mail. This guy is a character I tell you. If I ever get back into making movies I definitely gotta find a part for this man.

While we were talking I noticed that he had a certain book on his bookshelf. "I'm OK-You're OK". Classic!!! So I asked him if he had actually read it.
"Oh yeah, but it was a long ass time ago, I mean years."
"Is it any good?"
"I liked it, but I don't really remember it. You can hang on to it for a while if you like."
"Oh, fuck yeah."

You see I can never read just one thing at a time, that's my problem. So I start it and I find out that it's this really in depth psychological report about Transactional Analysis. It basically talks about why we act how we act and interact with other people. It breaks it down into this whole thing about the three personas that exist in all humans. (They call it the Parent, Adult, and Child, but the terms are defined different.)

Anyway, it's actually pretty interesting shit. Too me anyway, but I'm all about overanalyzing shit and trying to define stuff and blah, blah, blah. I can never just let shit go. I'm reading into it and seeing all this shit that I do and stuff I've been exposed to and I'm like... So that's why I ended up like this.... that's why I do that... so all this shit is related. It's pretty deep for me. Guess you'd have to get to know me.

And now for some completely seperate shit that I been thinking about lately.





The last time I spoke with her, I kept saying that I got the feeling I'd never see her again. She kept telling me to quit being so melodramatic. She'd be back in a few weeks, I could call her at her new place, she was gonna see me around somehow.

She must think I'm fucking Nostradomas now. Of course I did see her again, but she doesn't know it. I saw her the next day before she left town. She was walking to class and I don't think I've ever seen a vision that beautiful before or since. I didn't stop her, I didn't speak. I felt just like Joey Ramone singing "Needles and Pins". Of course every song I hear reminds me of her in some overtly subtle way.

Sometimes if you really love someone, you just have to let them go. It just seems like I always end up being the one who losses out. Perhaps it was for the best. She said so herself. Well, she didn't say it in those exact words.

There was very little that we ever spoke about directly to each other. Somehow words were an ancient form of communication for us. We were beyond that. One quick fleeting glance seemed to be all we ever needed to tell each other exactly how we felt, exactly how we were feeling. Even over the phone we always danced around the real topic at hand. Our conversations took place on another plain. A higher esoteric level that said everything and nothing at once. Yet we both understood every minute little detail.

She used to tell me the quickest way to find out if you and another person are on the same wavelength is to talk about politics or religion. For some reason she and I never felt the need to go there. The biggest complaint that she used to have about me was that I treated her too much like a woman...

To be continued