It's so weird to think about where I was last year and where I am now.
2 months before the pandemic, I moved from Seattle to San Francisco for an incredible job opportunity. But, little did I know, that I'd only get 8 weeks of normal life. As soon as the office shutdown and lockdown started, any hope of making friends and meeting people went right out the window – not an ideal situation for someone who had no friends or family in the area.
I actually went an entire 16 months without speaking to someone in person, aside from the pleasantries I exchanged with cashiers and other retail workers. As I'm sure holds true for a lot of people, it was devastating. I spent every holiday alone, I had nowhere to go and nothing to do, and I couldn't bring myself to leave the area because of this little piece of anxiety that told me if I did, I'd surely get covid.
The worst part of the entire experience came when winter hit. I get bad seasonal depression and after spending much of the previous year on my own, it felt worse than ever. It also didn't help that I had taken two weeks off work for the holidays because of a planned vacation that was ultimately scrapped for nearly 6 months. That two-week span was hell on earth. Without so much as a workday to occupy my mind, I was forced to dive headlong into the current reality. All I can say is that I hope I never experience anything like that again.
After surviving the holidays and making it to the one-year anniversary of lockdown, I knew I needed to do something or who knows what might become of me. So, after a lot of politicking and begging, I finally got my job to agree to let me relocate back to New York City – a place I'd already lived twice, prior. It's a place where I have a lot of familiarities, history, and most importantly, a support network of good friends. It's also much closer to my family, who as of writing this, I haven't seen in more than two years.
So, with Thanksgiving behind us and the holidays just around the corner, I'm truly understanding just how different this year is. I'm surrounded by friends, feeling alive, and – fingers crossed – will finally be seeing my family in a few short weeks. Honestly, I'm starting to feel like myself again, and although I'm proceeding with an abundance of caution, I'm experiencing actual moments of happiness.
I'm sharing this because I'm sure so many other people out there experienced something similar, if not worse. I know, first-hand, how horrible isolation, loneliness, anxiety, and depression can be. So, please know, if you are still experiencing these things and you haven't been able to turn the corner, there are people out there who want to help.
If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always happy to lend an ear.
Here's hoping everyone out there is in a much better place than they were last year. <3
