djpj69camaro

Today I sat through a conference on the Spine. It was pretty interesting for the forst hour. But, soon I became extremely bored and I really felt out of place. I felt like I didn't belong as a doctor. It's pretty bad when you go into a field and don't believe that you belong. But at the same time, I don't want to "fit in" like the rest of the doctors. I hate being called that. I hate other doctors. Sometimes, I loathe myself. I keep getting that "feeling." I've been having that feeling intermittently. The one when I feel like I'm outside my body and can hear everyone's thoughts judging me. You know when you're at a club or bar or a party. And your physically next to a group of people whom you may have just met. But you notice you've been kind pushed outside the circle. You don't say anything. You just watch and "feel" the isolationism. Nobody makes eye contact with you. It's uncomfortable. Well I feel that way with the residents at UC Davis. I'm not really sure that I want to go there for residency. I like some of their facilities and attending physicians. But since the program is so small, you have to make friends or you'll be enemies. I'm not so sure, I want to make friends with these people. I'm having a hard time making friends with fellow medical students as it is. I don't know. I can't wait till I finally get accepted into my residency. I'm going to get my lip pierced again. I'm going to get my tattoos and grow my hair out.