Been an exhausting month. Between the extreme sleep patterns, increase in working while still trying to spend time with Adriana and friends. I'm fuckin beat. Probably far too tired and into my feels at this point but this is something that I've seen with so many of my friends and people I really care about. A almost perpetual circle of hiding, trying, failing, hiding, trying, not working out, going back farther away. I try and show my closest friends that I can see those quirks and I love them. I can see the beauty that they don't feel inside, because for whatever reason they have either forgotten or just been beat down inside far too long.(A feeling I've known for far too long)
I've spent a long time fighting my self with those dark idea's, and wasted far too much time with it. I've also lost so many friendships and probably relationships cause of it. Because at least in my opinion that cliche saying "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" is just straight bullshit. Some of the crap I've done, I've deserved to be left..of course on the same wave length...I've had people leave me for some shady ass reasons. If you hold onto to a martyr, expect sooner or later for them to move on. You can almost feel them start to feel better about themselves and then they don't know what to do, so they leave and make excuses that they will never find someone.
We control a lot of things, but it's the friendships/relationships that we build, that we have no one to blame except ourselves. If we continue to date people who will hurt us, they will continue to hurt us. If you continue to date people who lie, they will continue to lie. I've traveled a lot and moved around a lot. Met a whole trilogies worth of people...change isn't something people do often. We get the idea in our heads that we are being 100percent or whatever the cliche is...meanwhile we are hiding half our hearts and our souls, fighting a fight to either try or cry. Hoping someone will want to get to know us, while we build bigger walls.
I know no saints.. I do know a few villians.. and I know a lot of humans. None of us are perfect. She's not perfect. He's not perfect. I for one don't live on a pedestal.
I live on the ground, and on the road.
took me 40 years to be comfortable with myself and my quirks. I start fight with my depression. It's just I enjoy life so much more than I ever have...that it's a far easier fight now.
Never hide away those quirks.. cause there is at least one person (me) who loves them.
I've spent a long time fighting my self with those dark idea's, and wasted far too much time with it. I've also lost so many friendships and probably relationships cause of it. Because at least in my opinion that cliche saying "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" is just straight bullshit. Some of the crap I've done, I've deserved to be left..of course on the same wave length...I've had people leave me for some shady ass reasons. If you hold onto to a martyr, expect sooner or later for them to move on. You can almost feel them start to feel better about themselves and then they don't know what to do, so they leave and make excuses that they will never find someone.
We control a lot of things, but it's the friendships/relationships that we build, that we have no one to blame except ourselves. If we continue to date people who will hurt us, they will continue to hurt us. If you continue to date people who lie, they will continue to lie. I've traveled a lot and moved around a lot. Met a whole trilogies worth of people...change isn't something people do often. We get the idea in our heads that we are being 100percent or whatever the cliche is...meanwhile we are hiding half our hearts and our souls, fighting a fight to either try or cry. Hoping someone will want to get to know us, while we build bigger walls.
I know no saints.. I do know a few villians.. and I know a lot of humans. None of us are perfect. She's not perfect. He's not perfect. I for one don't live on a pedestal.
I live on the ground, and on the road.
took me 40 years to be comfortable with myself and my quirks. I start fight with my depression. It's just I enjoy life so much more than I ever have...that it's a far easier fight now.
Never hide away those quirks.. cause there is at least one person (me) who loves them.
