djmostly

so, it's christmas, as much as i wish it wasn't. i guess i'm suuposed to be happy this time of year, but i'm not. i was the happiest i could have ever been, this time last year. but, then things got all fucked and i threw it all away. so, now i'm stuck in this place again where i'm torn between killing myself and just getting too stoned to remember what i was depressed about.

and then there's this site. i think coming here adds to my unrest.

i need something big to happen. some kind of massive change. something super-dramatic. not this everyday bullshit drama that i'm used to.

i need someone in my life who will show me that people are still ok. someone who embodies all that is right in the world and not just another nutcase.

i seem to attract the crazy ones in my life and i'm sick of it. why can't i be around somewhat normal people? now, i don't mean "normal", i just mean people who won't lose their minds every few days.

i don't know what i want or need out of life anymore. not even the things that i used to hold dear are showing me anything beautiful.

maybe i need to flee the country.