recently, i have changed. i have become a peson of truth. i now live in reality, no more fantasy. i was saddened today to find that as honest as i am with others, i have been liying to myself. i have been waiting on a life that was never ment for me. i know this now. my eyes are opening.
i guess we all want to see the best in people. i was trying so hard to make some one into something they were not, in hopes of having something i only ever dreamed of. it was selfish. i feel like i must wake up now. i made someone into the perfect man in my mind. beautiful. sensual. inteligent. caring. honest. he was never any of those things. and even though it hurts, so bad, i think now i know that it is better to live in the real world than a fantasy one.
i thought that divorce was the hardest thing, relationship wise, that i would ever have to go thru. i was wrong. i left my marrige because i did not have love anymore. now i know that it is so much harder to leave someone you still love. no one wins.
so now what.
i guess we all want to see the best in people. i was trying so hard to make some one into something they were not, in hopes of having something i only ever dreamed of. it was selfish. i feel like i must wake up now. i made someone into the perfect man in my mind. beautiful. sensual. inteligent. caring. honest. he was never any of those things. and even though it hurts, so bad, i think now i know that it is better to live in the real world than a fantasy one.
i thought that divorce was the hardest thing, relationship wise, that i would ever have to go thru. i was wrong. i left my marrige because i did not have love anymore. now i know that it is so much harder to leave someone you still love. no one wins.
so now what.
then i went graduated on to the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.
now it's Chubby Hubby.
luckily i'm starting to tire of this one too. so as long as I don't try any new flavors, i hope to be free from Ben & Jerry's evil hold on me.
i know what you mean about living in fantasy vs. reality. i think my thoughts have been living in reality for a long time now, but my actions still continue to live in the fantasy world. once i'm able to match my actions with my thoughts, i think i'll be a much better person. i think that's part of my problem as actions and thoughts should be in the same place in my opinion for a healthy existence.
i am glad you are living now more truthfully with yourself.
but i am sad you are feeling pain though.
if you ever need to talk to someone, let me know.