disynthetic

I can't stand the way people can be so unconcerned. The reason I made it this far is because of my strong sense of morals and my stronger sense of humor for bloating my self worth. They go hand in hand with me. However my idiosyncrasies, it's a travesty the way people are oblivious to the things they do and the effects their actions have. I am qualified to speak of these things because of things I have done without thought for consequence. And am filled with regret for.

I see it in the simplest of everyday exchanges-- the average person just does not seemingly have what it takes to comprehend the fact that what they do or say can change more than one fiber of someone else's existance. It's frustrating to have to wonder what the next stranger's shortcomings are going to do to you. It's pretty complicated, but I feel humans need to be more empathic (sympathetic too, but that is an easy way out). Empathy could even be an everyday exercise for a person. Practice it once a day and our connections to other humans will increase exponentially.

I was just thinking a litle while ago about my place, my microcosm, and how a little self-reflection every day can be so very healthy for your mental fortitude. And for your happiness. Inward vision about who we are, what we want, what we love, how we love and what motivates us...helps us realize our self definition. I don't do these things every day, however I feel inclined to now. Frequently and daily. I digress, as I do often, what a cock tease. Being self aware and right. Instead of wrong like most of us are about how we see ourselves. At least I know I deceive myself through my smudged lenses.

I could describe my love. Like a solitairy gust of warming air on a chill night. Fleeting yet sustaining. I feel it's unique. It's unfortunate that there have only been a handful of periods where I've felt various atrophied incarnations of this emotion. I suppose that explains the reason why my emotional happiness never lasts for too long, all of them hurt before the heart break. Like seeing a beloved childhood toy thrown into an abyssmal void to never return. That feeling of instant and unpleasant separation prevades my interest in taking my heart out and showing it to someone else, letting them borrow it or take it to the movies with them. Trying to get the feeling of love lost back is about of moot as trying to force broken skin back together. It is impossible without the appropriate amount of time and it feels much like the awkward separation you feel when you rub a cut together. The alien unfamiliarity of your own god damn skin.

A sense receptor split in two parts. How touching.

Reminds me of Romeo and Juliet.

______________________

Now oppression stalks the remnants of compassion,
brewing hatred to surface in wicked actions
Cloaked in peace and mercy, force their false confessions
Sentenced am I dying, cleansed from all salvation
"Defy our accusations and a certain death you'll meet
A fool denies the obvious, and fools we shall defeat"
All sanity now vanquished, ever mould beyond control
My guilt stands yet unproven though they still demand my fall
Blood runs beyond enlightenment at inquisition's hands
Vicious burn the fires swiftly out of hand
Now my fate lies in their "hands of liberation"
forming law and justice into obscuration
leading lies ensuring my life ceased in fire,
In the name of peace, to cleance my dark desires
"You stand accused of herasy and all what that implies
With darkened minds you summon those who're fallen from the skies"
Envenomed bleed their poisoned hearts, the power they've abused
A deadly game of envy in which my life I'll lose
Sentenced by superstition - my innocence denied
Truth is stranger than fiction - religious genocide
Alone in blind desperation, I face my mournful death
In flames I meet termination, but my memory will be left

________________________

Make all the cold trees mourn
Their branches frozen in sightless motion
Waving, reaching for the whipping rain
There was silence
And the firmament withdrew
Revealing all, shapelessly and swiftly
In carmine and crimson stood flaming the sky
The relics of myths that exploded and died
Dismantle the sun and stars in their rise
And rend from the skyline
The black in our eyes
The skyline so empty
All but one, nonexistent
Words were not, nor gesture, thought or life
The skydancers laid slain and old
The firmament in perpetual withdrawal
Lux Aeterna - Sing unto the world
________________________
My neck has a slight fold in the skin from looking down all my life. Fin.