Tonight I decided to see things differently.
I've felt a great deal of solace recently. It comes from feedback. The things I say and do apparently have an effect on people. I never knew that. Well, I guess it's more correct to say that I never believed it and therfore, never knew it. Shit, I mean to say, the good things I say and do. I know very well just how much the bad things I say and do have an effect. Those things can never be overlooked. I think that everyone knows right from wrong. I think that everyone has choice.
There is no apologizing for the things you have done. An apology is meant to convey your regret, after the fact. You can't unhurt someone. Even truly wanting to do something so impossible--and believing you can--has no such hope. Anything you do in hopes to fix things... is just an afterthought. Which to me is the same thing as remembering your lover's birthday or your anniversary after it is already over. Something so important (and important is DEFINITELY relative)... yet ultimately forgotten. So I won't apologize... because I didn't know. That doesn't alleviate the magnitude of the situation. "I was wrong then, and to say I'm sorry now means that I just don't understand the pain I caused. I only hope I can regain your trust." (An aside here, having said that before, I've learned that your most vulnerable honesty means nothing if someone won't listen)
Returning to solace: it's a rare and evasive thing. Most people think its just relaxation, or quiet time. But... no. It is something harder to come by than a quiet corner or a peaceful nap on the couch. Reprieve. Escape. Release. Think of it like this, then: you slip and fall from a great height. You can see your fate approaching you at terminal velocity. Your fear envelopes you and all hope is gone. You see absolutely no way to avoid the evident. You know this.
To me, solace is waking up to realize it was just a dream. A purely imagined scenario. And as a sidenote, I feel particularly thankful for whatever woke me up... because I've had that dream many times before. To this day I do not know how it ends, but I suspect I will have that dream again.
Each morning I open my eyes and wonder if I am awake.
I've felt a great deal of solace recently. It comes from feedback. The things I say and do apparently have an effect on people. I never knew that. Well, I guess it's more correct to say that I never believed it and therfore, never knew it. Shit, I mean to say, the good things I say and do. I know very well just how much the bad things I say and do have an effect. Those things can never be overlooked. I think that everyone knows right from wrong. I think that everyone has choice.
There is no apologizing for the things you have done. An apology is meant to convey your regret, after the fact. You can't unhurt someone. Even truly wanting to do something so impossible--and believing you can--has no such hope. Anything you do in hopes to fix things... is just an afterthought. Which to me is the same thing as remembering your lover's birthday or your anniversary after it is already over. Something so important (and important is DEFINITELY relative)... yet ultimately forgotten. So I won't apologize... because I didn't know. That doesn't alleviate the magnitude of the situation. "I was wrong then, and to say I'm sorry now means that I just don't understand the pain I caused. I only hope I can regain your trust." (An aside here, having said that before, I've learned that your most vulnerable honesty means nothing if someone won't listen)
Returning to solace: it's a rare and evasive thing. Most people think its just relaxation, or quiet time. But... no. It is something harder to come by than a quiet corner or a peaceful nap on the couch. Reprieve. Escape. Release. Think of it like this, then: you slip and fall from a great height. You can see your fate approaching you at terminal velocity. Your fear envelopes you and all hope is gone. You see absolutely no way to avoid the evident. You know this.
To me, solace is waking up to realize it was just a dream. A purely imagined scenario. And as a sidenote, I feel particularly thankful for whatever woke me up... because I've had that dream many times before. To this day I do not know how it ends, but I suspect I will have that dream again.
Each morning I open my eyes and wonder if I am awake.
I'm happy that you have felt a lot of it lately.
I'm sorry about that dream though...that's no fun. It is such a relief when you wake up from a dream like that.
If you don't realize you're awake when you open your eyes in the morning, then I want what you're on.