Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

disynthetic

Saint Louis

Member Since 2004

Followers 56 Following 138

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Tuesday Nov 01, 2005

Nov 1, 2005
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
There's a little difference between what makes me feel insignificant and introverted, and something that makes a man feel like he won't amount to more than the sum of his self-fulfilling doubts. Sometimes I admit I can't even focus on the last half of a complete thought before I carry on into the next bright idea, only to fall short upon realization of the actual distance between my desire and home. I don't want to keep reinventing my self-worth just to change every time I'm disappointed with something in me.

Saying to myself that I'm getting somewhere with this snake-eating-it's-tail process is not unlike reinventing the wheel. It's been done. I need some balance between acceptance and desires. I won't get anywhere with only accepting who I am, just as I won't get anywhere only wanting more. Whether it's more meaning to my life, or it's more cake for my appetite.

The sadness I can't hide is that I admit I have emptied out my thoughts just so I can receive attention. Whether it is to reaffirm an existance I don't hate nor enjoy, or merely to feed an addict's personality, I can't nor won't distinguish. There is a thing I need that is not here. Not in me. That said I make this humbly apologetic plea to all the people I have pushed away from me over many years: I know you likely will never read this, but understand that I am selfish. I have to accept who I am before I can cope with it properly. I've gone too long being unaccepting of others because of my own lack of scruples. I'm sorry that I wasn't the person who seemed to love life more than anything though I was convincing. I want to really be that way now. I never meant to spitefully let you drift away. Any of you. It was just easy.

Heaven help the man who cannot use the conscience he is given to help someone else. And mean it.

At any rate, hello again SG. I tried to leave but I'm back. This will now be my little razorblade suitcase, as that niche but cliche saying goes.
techno_ballerina:
*pook* where have you been...ever on yahoo? i am sometimes.
Nov 3, 2005

More Blogs

  • 09.24.10
    1

    Friday Sep 24, 2010

    I need more happy people to hang around with. These jaded motherfucke…
  • 09.24.10
    1

    Friday Sep 24, 2010

    Tonight I decided to see things differently. I've felt a great dea…
  • 09.23.10
    2

    Thursday Sep 23, 2010

    Since someone actually convinced me to do something (whoa ) I'm just …
  • 09.23.10
    2

    Thursday Sep 23, 2010

    I had a dream about a book I read years ago. My dream was very much l…
  • 09.22.10
    0

    Wednesday Sep 22, 2010

    22:36:50 Begin-- I told myself that if I were to let any more of me …
  • 09.22.10
    2

    Wednesday Sep 22, 2010

    Wednesday, 9/22 8:14pm Sitting on the couch after a semi-long drive…
  • 09.22.10
    2

    Wednesday Sep 22, 2010

    I am not giddy or anything, but this song is a dub step remix of No T…
  • 09.22.10
    0

    Wednesday Sep 22, 2010

    When will it be okay to come outside? When the storm is dying and the…
  • 09.22.10
    1

    Wednesday Sep 22, 2010

    "The knowledge that seeking the favor of another means the murder of …
  • 09.19.10
    2

    Sunday Sep 19, 2010

    I have to be up for class in 6 hours. I haven't even showered after w…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
8
months
16
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,589 SuicideGirls
  • 1,123,275 followers
  • 14,905,913 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,356,183 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo