dista

I have a bad case of the jitters, not quite sure why.

Well, ok- that's a lie. I'm pretty sure I know why, or at least I'm pretty sure I know HOW......

I realise I can be over-cryptic some times and no one knows what the fuck I'm talking about, but, hey.... Here in SG land there are no real faces any more. Only pixilated dreams and words on a screen. Of course it hasn't always been that way, I really have no one to blame for my own undoing except myself. But at what stage- and this relates to all life, not just SG- does one accept responsibility for their actions ( or mis-actions as it may be ) and move on? There's a line from one of my new favourite songs that fits here- "People will tell you, you should move on. But how can you live again until the pain is gone? People say that time will heal all wounds. But no one's prepared to say just how soon". The Basics- Better

It's been nearly twelve months since she left and now........... now there's another me coming into the world and it's not how ( or with who ) I expected it to be. That's not to say I'm not happy about the prospect of being a dad. I am. I'm also terrified.
I have a shocking track record of dealing with situations in the absolute worst possible way. So right now I'm making sure my head is metaphorically screwed on as tight as it can possibly be, I don't want my 'legacy' to be insanity. That is to say, I want my child to know it was loved regardless of the situation it grows up in and regardless of any possible outbursts the old man might have. I want to be every thing good to that child. I want them to know what life can do to a person if you let it slip through your fingers or grab it tightly with both hands. I want them to see the highs and lows and everyting in between. Most of all, I want to be right there with them the whole way.

Another song lyric-
"Last night I heard the song that was playing when I first kissed you.
I woke up next to someone that wasn't you..... " All- Shreen

I tried to comfort my demons, but they got too comfortable.
I tried to rid them from me, but they dug in too deep.
Now, I stand steadfast, cross in hand, holy water at the ready, and I dare them to try come any where near me. I am the exorcist. I am the lonely father mckenzie balling his socks in the night when there's no body there- no body cares.
I am going to be a father.