So for those of you who don't already know, my boyfriend of nearly 3 years broke up with me over the weekend. I think I'm still in shock, it was me who initiated the 'we need to talk' discussion, but I only ever wanted to try and fix things, to make them better.
Ultimately, we're going in different directions in our lives - his involves being very busy riding around on a small bike and taking lots of pictures and mine involves working towards gaining enough self respect to believe I deserve to be the main priority in someones life. I don't want to be responsible for holding someone back and missing out on things, that guilt isn't conducive to a healthy relationship and does nothing to support my new found sense of self worth
But being armed with the knowledge that it's 'for the best' doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Obviously I still love him with all of my heart - you can't just switch it off because someone has fallen out of love with you - and it's killing me having to look at him and think of him as anything other than mine, the man I've spent the last 3 years with. But I can't hold this against him, he knows what he wants in life and I respect that everything he's worked for over the last few years, since way before me, has finally started coming together. Who am I to stand in the way of that?
It's ironic, I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that people do value me and want to be around me, and think I'm worth investing time and effort into, and the one person I want more than ANYTHING to hold me in that same high regard jut doesn't feel that way. But I suppose it's better to do this now so I can concentrate on surrounding myself with people who do, and further my progress rather than hinder it.
No matter how much it hurts.
I've never been in this situation before, never had my heart broken...but it's definitely shown me how strong I've become. If this had happened a year ago, I would have been locked away in my room, smashing my head into a radiator and crying like it was the end of the world. And that part of me is still there, lurking. That part of me doesn't care how unhappy I'd be in the long run, if I could only have him, and be his, for now. But what does that achieve?
And that part of me would have never shared any of this with anyone, let alone YOU.
People ask if I'm OK, and I am, because I'll make myself OK - what's the alternative? Going backwards is obscenely counterproductive, and I need to take every ounce of positivity I can from this situation, and turn it into an opportunity rather than a setback. It's pointless going through a messy and painful plan of action designed to make us both happy if I let it make me unhappy. That's just a waste.
My whole life I have had nothing but a boyfriend - just me and him against the world. Now I have everything but.
Imagine that
Ultimately, we're going in different directions in our lives - his involves being very busy riding around on a small bike and taking lots of pictures and mine involves working towards gaining enough self respect to believe I deserve to be the main priority in someones life. I don't want to be responsible for holding someone back and missing out on things, that guilt isn't conducive to a healthy relationship and does nothing to support my new found sense of self worth
But being armed with the knowledge that it's 'for the best' doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Obviously I still love him with all of my heart - you can't just switch it off because someone has fallen out of love with you - and it's killing me having to look at him and think of him as anything other than mine, the man I've spent the last 3 years with. But I can't hold this against him, he knows what he wants in life and I respect that everything he's worked for over the last few years, since way before me, has finally started coming together. Who am I to stand in the way of that?
It's ironic, I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that people do value me and want to be around me, and think I'm worth investing time and effort into, and the one person I want more than ANYTHING to hold me in that same high regard jut doesn't feel that way. But I suppose it's better to do this now so I can concentrate on surrounding myself with people who do, and further my progress rather than hinder it.
No matter how much it hurts.
I've never been in this situation before, never had my heart broken...but it's definitely shown me how strong I've become. If this had happened a year ago, I would have been locked away in my room, smashing my head into a radiator and crying like it was the end of the world. And that part of me is still there, lurking. That part of me doesn't care how unhappy I'd be in the long run, if I could only have him, and be his, for now. But what does that achieve?
And that part of me would have never shared any of this with anyone, let alone YOU.
People ask if I'm OK, and I am, because I'll make myself OK - what's the alternative? Going backwards is obscenely counterproductive, and I need to take every ounce of positivity I can from this situation, and turn it into an opportunity rather than a setback. It's pointless going through a messy and painful plan of action designed to make us both happy if I let it make me unhappy. That's just a waste.
My whole life I have had nothing but a boyfriend - just me and him against the world. Now I have everything but.
Imagine that
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how are you feeling?
i hope you keep your pretty head up.
hugs