Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

disappearhere

Nor*Cal

Member Since 2003

Followers 55 Following 58

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Wednesday Apr 16, 2003

Apr 15, 2003
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
Well she's finally gone. She left today.
She kept saying she would leave. Said she would find a nice new apartment. Start a nice new life. Said I was bad for her. Hurting her. Said she had to leave.
I didn't understand this, the whole time it was I that thought of the way things could be without her. Better. Less complicated. But I suppose love is always complicated. Complicated and dirty. Dirty and frustrating.

I suppose we had fought more than most. I suppose I had been more rough with her than I should. I thought it was a mutual torture. A common thread that kept us together.

Today was the first time I had seen her that happy in what must have been months. To watch her made me smile inside and hurt all over.

This is all I remember.
I couldn't help myself. I had no control anymore.
This is all I remember.
My fist flew without effort. Struck her from behind hard against the ear.
This is all I remember.
As she fell I kicked hard into her stomach. She made a deep guteral sound as my boot sunk into her. Coughing and gasping, writhing on the floor. I screamed. Not in anger or fear. I screamed in pain. I screamed with her. I could feel our love had died. I knew it was too late to fix things.

That was all I could remember for the longest time.
I knew she had left me. I could feel her absence. I had no idea what went wrong.
As she laid there on the kitchen floor her mouth looked like she was still smiling and I said goodbye for the last time.
I don't know if she'll miss me or if I will miss her. It just had to end. She said I was bad for her. No one needs that.

The blued steele tastes so cold and stings my tongue.
I think of her smile one last time.
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
alexys:
i wasnt there.
Apr 18, 2003
blixasinister:
Are you serious??? I am so not offended by your journal. It made me weep tears that I have not shed since I too kicked the woman on the way out the door.
Apr 18, 2003

More Blogs

  • 03.20.03
    3

    Thursday Mar 20, 2003

    She's home. I know instantly when I hear the door slam and the sound…
  • 03.19.03
    2

    Wednesday Mar 19, 2003

    when i fall- i am most selfless when i cry- i am most open when i…
  • 03.18.03
    3

    Tuesday Mar 18, 2003

    i lie awake- i lie and wait- for you to come- and you never do-
  • 03.17.03
    3

    Monday Mar 17, 2003

    SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!!!!.............. IT'S PEEEOPLE!!!!!!!!!..…
  • 03.17.03
    1

    Monday Mar 17, 2003

    Kiss Me I'm Shitfaced!!
  • 03.16.03
    1

    Sunday Mar 16, 2003

    Can I be any more lazy?
  • 03.12.03
    0

    Wednesday Mar 12, 2003

    zero noteriety... false incentives can't you see... your a slave ju…
  • 03.10.03
    1

    Tuesday Mar 11, 2003

    Work... Oh what fun i love to sweat... Work... Is it fucking lunch…
  • 03.10.03
    2

    Monday Mar 10, 2003

    I've been to hell I spell it... I spell it DMV... Anyone who's been…
  • 03.10.03
    0

    Monday Mar 10, 2003

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
20
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,599 SuicideGirls
  • 1,114,613 followers
  • 14,946,853 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,458,366 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo