it's all about the head trip. From the moment one walks through the door to the second you leave - your mind is his, and almost everything has a price tag.
not a three hole girl? I'll bet ten bucks that will change by weekend's end. he will focus on the things you can't do, and slowly pick away at that, FOCUS on that, until...
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not a three hole girl? I'll bet ten bucks that will change by weekend's end. he will focus on the things you can't do, and slowly pick away at that, FOCUS on that, until...
Read More
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore-
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
-"Dream Deferred," Langston Hughes
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore-
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
-"Dream Deferred," Langston Hughes
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
cupofkarma:
i posted on you myspace acct.
i posted on you myspace acct. 
estrada:
I have always loved that poem.
in lighter news.....
I have finally reached a good stage in my "breakup recovery," by successfully redeveloping my pre-relationship masturbation addiction.
THANK YOU JEEBUS!
P.S. Friends seem to be jumping the SG ship lately. i have no plans on leaving, but just in case you go, I can also be found here and here.
I have finally reached a good stage in my "breakup recovery," by successfully redeveloping my pre-relationship masturbation addiction.
THANK YOU JEEBUS!
P.S. Friends seem to be jumping the SG ship lately. i have no plans on leaving, but just in case you go, I can also be found here and here.
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
estrada:
The band of the hand for guys.
nickfaust:
I am really glad things are picking up for you.
Proof that Karma exists
onto another subject...
I finally got around to editing my photos from Burning Man, and one picture just leaves me breathless. On the last night of Burning Man, the Temple of Dreams is lit on fire. It's a very somber experience, as opposed to the raucous party that ensued the night before when the man itself burned to the ground.
Instead,...
Read More
onto another subject...
I finally got around to editing my photos from Burning Man, and one picture just leaves me breathless. On the last night of Burning Man, the Temple of Dreams is lit on fire. It's a very somber experience, as opposed to the raucous party that ensued the night before when the man itself burned to the ground.
Instead,...
Read More
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
thepet:
That is a very beautiful picture and a heart moving message. good luck and talk to you later Thepet
mya22:
That's a beautiful photo... I'm glad that you wrote those letters and you feel good about doing it.
this weekend was.... surreal.
I'm not in San Francisco 24 hours, and I get two job offers to do steady pro-sub work at 2 of the larger SF Houses, plus an offer to start my own business under the watch of a very talented manager.
I'm not in San Francisco 48 hours, and I realize that this city is where I'm going to live for...
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I'm not in San Francisco 24 hours, and I get two job offers to do steady pro-sub work at 2 of the larger SF Houses, plus an offer to start my own business under the watch of a very talented manager.
I'm not in San Francisco 48 hours, and I realize that this city is where I'm going to live for...
Read More
VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
aponia:
oh oh oh...I forgot. I got the most amazingly tasty yarn recently...like...mind blowingly tasty.
Are you still knitting? Please say you are...you were doing so awesome!
Are you still knitting? Please say you are...you were doing so awesome!
cupofkarma:
hope all is well.
one day at a time.
I feel so lost, but I guess that's how it's supposed to be right now. and I'm still sad - I feel like I've been thrown away.
I know it will get better, but better is not here yet and I don't know if it's coming anytime soon.
oh well - fake it 'till you make it, right?
I feel so lost, but I guess that's how it's supposed to be right now. and I'm still sad - I feel like I've been thrown away.
I know it will get better, but better is not here yet and I don't know if it's coming anytime soon.
oh well - fake it 'till you make it, right?
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
cupofkarma:
remember this feeling is only tempoarary. take care of yourself.
thepet:
Break ups suck. I my self have spent somtime stuck in relationships that don't work because it is kind of sad and scary to change somthing that once or still does, on some levels, bring you joy or pleasure. I suppose people engage in duplicituous activities (like dating/seeing others in secret) because they don't want to make that choice themselves. You seem awesome so I wish I could say somthing pithy and bright to cheer you up but real life is not so simple. Still as your freinds say this is only temporary, the rest of your life can start now. Anyone who can take the beating you got at fetishcon HAS to be tough enough for this. take care and TTYL ThePet
somebody shoot me, please.
turns out that he was cheating on me since July, but didn't have the integrity to end it like he should have. instead, getting dunk and calling me "fat cunt" all the time and playing with me irresponsibly was the weapon of choice - at least it gave me the signs that things weren't working and led me to jump ship...
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turns out that he was cheating on me since July, but didn't have the integrity to end it like he should have. instead, getting dunk and calling me "fat cunt" all the time and playing with me irresponsibly was the weapon of choice - at least it gave me the signs that things weren't working and led me to jump ship...
Read More
VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
ampersandwich:
ps - i love your new homepage link 
marcroc:
shifting, sifting,
through papers, photos,
peices of memories,
undiscovered something each time i reminisce.
each time the tears go from happier to lonelier,
with greater demise lingering upon my cheeks.
should she try to kiss me in comfort,
salt would sting her,
pushing her back,
as anything i may do, just... does that.
i think i shall put this cover back atop this old, beaten shoebox of bittersweetness.
that is all i can endure,
for something that should never have been endured at all.
_________________________________
You know my deal,
one after another they came and gone.
and the whole time i blame my self, i made my self think there was something wrong with me. but the truth was they wasn't ready for some one like me. they didn't deserve me,
were not so different, He, they, didn't deserve you.
yeah were bitter. but we got each other
to put a blanket over our bitterness. Our friendship should remind you that no matter what shit might rain down I'm here for support as you were always there for me.
Hurry Home, Plan on having a old school night out. and fuck what you and i been through the last year or so.
through papers, photos,
peices of memories,
undiscovered something each time i reminisce.
each time the tears go from happier to lonelier,
with greater demise lingering upon my cheeks.
should she try to kiss me in comfort,
salt would sting her,
pushing her back,
as anything i may do, just... does that.
i think i shall put this cover back atop this old, beaten shoebox of bittersweetness.
that is all i can endure,
for something that should never have been endured at all.
_________________________________
You know my deal,
one after another they came and gone.
and the whole time i blame my self, i made my self think there was something wrong with me. but the truth was they wasn't ready for some one like me. they didn't deserve me,
were not so different, He, they, didn't deserve you.
yeah were bitter. but we got each other
to put a blanket over our bitterness. Our friendship should remind you that no matter what shit might rain down I'm here for support as you were always there for me.
Hurry Home, Plan on having a old school night out. and fuck what you and i been through the last year or so.
back from LA... tired as hell. ended up not getting my first flesh hook suspension yesterday, as a rocky conversation that morning with the ex put me in a bad headspace. bleh. will try again next month.
yanno, i hate breakups. it sucks not being around someone you loved so much, especially when it's juxtaposed with all your friends saying "it's good you're not with...
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yanno, i hate breakups. it sucks not being around someone you loved so much, especially when it's juxtaposed with all your friends saying "it's good you're not with...
Read More
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
teena:
sorry bout you and Cyd. 
instead of playing the victim just remember the good times you had and do your best to make a fresh start. every relationship is a chance for you to learn something new and grow...you should take it.
instead of playing the victim just remember the good times you had and do your best to make a fresh start. every relationship is a chance for you to learn something new and grow...you should take it.
pekopoko:
Sorry for the rough break up... They're rarely easy though. I personally hate to initiate them myself, even when I'm aware that they're totally neccessary. I think I care too much about people liking me and ending things generally earns me a period of someone not being my #1 fan... Such is life...
Love the fetishcon pics. Nice cage. Who makes it? Is that your insex collar? I'd like to get my girl something that could pass day to day as simple adornment. Madam S has one that I just love. It's seamless and tre sexy. Yum.
Take care.
Edited to add that the Humane Restraint link is fucking hot... I love misuse (or just more "interesting" use) of items
[Edited on Sep 19, 2005 3:21PM]
Love the fetishcon pics. Nice cage. Who makes it? Is that your insex collar? I'd like to get my girl something that could pass day to day as simple adornment. Madam S has one that I just love. It's seamless and tre sexy. Yum.
Take care.
Edited to add that the Humane Restraint link is fucking hot... I love misuse (or just more "interesting" use) of items
[Edited on Sep 19, 2005 3:21PM]
quick quick update
i'm in LA now having a shitblast of a time. Claire Adams and her partner Damon Pierce have been the best hosts to me, and have kept me busy with fun fun fun the entire time. i cant thank them enough.
they introduced me to their pals Nina Hartley and her husband Ernest Greene, who is the executive editor of Hustler's Taboo...
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i'm in LA now having a shitblast of a time. Claire Adams and her partner Damon Pierce have been the best hosts to me, and have kept me busy with fun fun fun the entire time. i cant thank them enough.
they introduced me to their pals Nina Hartley and her husband Ernest Greene, who is the executive editor of Hustler's Taboo...
Read More
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
ampersandwich:
Awww, of COURSE I would be hot stuff
Just lemme know when you'll be around - and I hope all's well with you
Y~!
Just lemme know when you'll be around - and I hope all's well with you
Y~!
papawheelie:
sure, sunday is best for me. or any of the days in th ebeginning of the week
bombshellbetty is doing a show next saturday at the most awesome SF lesbian bar if you can go. It's quite a scene there
bombshellbetty is doing a show next saturday at the most awesome SF lesbian bar if you can go. It's quite a scene there
just got back from burning man... had a blast, mentally, physically, and emotionally.
it was nothing that I expected, but everything I wanted. I just hope it stays in me, because I like how I feel, and don't want to lose the perspective I have now.
A week ago, I was looking down at the ashes, waiting and crying for my rebirth. It seemed so...
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it was nothing that I expected, but everything I wanted. I just hope it stays in me, because I like how I feel, and don't want to lose the perspective I have now.
A week ago, I was looking down at the ashes, waiting and crying for my rebirth. It seemed so...
Read More
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
papawheelie:
queenie sure adores you. and I, her.
michael_desade:
updates are good.
i've been sad all day. but then the best advice came to me via text message:
"I think you'll be okay.... You just need to get a good fingerbangin from someone new, and it won't hurt nearly as much. XO"
can it be that simple?
if so, sixtyfootqueenie and i leave for Burning Man on Monday, and gawd DAMN i'm gonna try my best to...
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"I think you'll be okay.... You just need to get a good fingerbangin from someone new, and it won't hurt nearly as much. XO"
can it be that simple?
if so, sixtyfootqueenie and i leave for Burning Man on Monday, and gawd DAMN i'm gonna try my best to...
Read More
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
cupofkarma:
hope you guys had a great time at burning man.
egon:
Hope you are having a good time at the burning man fun!
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
gammarat:
I just saw the latest insex session that you did. Wow. It was awesome!
sixtyfootqueenie:
dude.. i fucking hear you loud and clear.
You say it's all about the head trip, you are exactly right...
the first night I stayed with him he earned my trust by warming up to me, relating to me and complimenting me on things that mattered like my intelligence and my knowledge of politics, philosophy and spirituality. I had never really expereinced this kind of positive feedback from another person or thought that I had such a deep mental connection with another person. Later I would learn that this is only part of his formula that he uses in a slightly different packaging for each girl to gain their trust so that he can pry the information out that he needs to really manipulate you later. He uses that information to prey on your insecurities, your most secret wants and your fears. He uses your own ego against you, building you up and then making you prove yourself over and over again, only every time you are getting worse and worse, you go from the favorite to the peice of shit slave girl wiping everyone else's ass.
There was no "beating the pain" the pain only got worse, more and more intollerable untill eventually I snapped.
He purposely pushes you and pushes you until you crack, he loves to watch you squirm and kill yourself over your failure to be inhumanely unfeeling.
And it's all on film, the embarrassment of the hardcore masochist who was broken and couldn't take it anymore, broke down and cryed like a baby begging him to stop...where's your baddass image now? I had thought I came there to be a warrior, to show how strong I was to the world, to prove myself to the "community" but there you are, humiliated, degraded and nothing.
I guess I could go on and on for ever but you guys should all check out the new documentary that I just finished that has a huge section on insex with interviews with other models and PHDs and lawyers breaking down how he has really fucked the girls up and permanently psychologically damaged them and reprogramed their brains.
www.xxxexpose.com
there is a 30 min free downloadable clip
definately look me up when you are in the area, you're a fucking riot