Hey there guys,
I apologize if I sound whiny or bitchy that's not the case at all I just have some emotions I need to get off my chest because it's been bringing down my self esteem. So, when I first became a member of Suicide Girls I was excited to shoot my first set and officially become a hopeful. I had dreamed of being an SG for 7 years (since I was 19) because I admired all the beautiful ladies I would see on instagram, but I was just to scared at the time that my parents would find out. Now, I'm 26 years old and I'm trying to do well for myself but I've noticed that my dream to be an SG has dwindled down my confidence and self esteem because I'm not pretty enough or I'm not skinny enough, or because for lack of better words, I'm black.
People constantly tell me that I'm gorgeous and I should stop tearing myself down but the only reason I tear myself apart is because there are even more negative people out there than positive telling me in my ear that I'm ugly or they'll never buy my content because I'm not worth what I charge, or I'm too black to be an SG, or I'll never make it because I'm fat.
It's been a nonstop blow on me and half the time I wanna cry because I contantly wonder when my set comes out in February if anyone will even like it or if anyone will even appreciate the time and work I put into this set. Mind you it's my first/debut set and I'm just afraid that I'm gonna get more hate on it than love just like I have been on instagram because I'm black, fat and not as pretty as the other girls here.
I try not to go let these hateful words get to me but I don't know what to do anymore it just all hurts....
