dirty__1

I am so insanly bored right now....I watched The Grudge today..eh. It was o.k. up until the end....The ending just for me kills the whole fucking movie. It just makes it pointless...

I'm really begining to wonder why I have my myspace account. I'm not on it that much & just don't know how to do much on it yet...eh..

So...since the state of Missouri is cutting medicaid BIG time I'm gonna suffer for it. Since Illinois doesn't pay their damn bills in Mo. the hospital has been footing the bill for my therapy. They have a fund set up for cases like mine. Anyway, since Missouri is making such big cuts they're putting alot of their Mo. patients on the same program as me. They where going to actually cut me off completly as of tomorrow!! My therapists got them to keep me at least one day a week. One day a week is something at least BUt then again it's not really enough to be consistant & really help...I may be able to get a membership & use the pool but I still can't get my land therapy in, which is kinda somethng I really need..It's just up in the air right now....It just sux ass!!

I just feel really alone right now...I miss having someone to hold at night. Gabrielle's still here but it's strictly to help out & stuff. W share a bed & it just feels so so cold at night. I don't know....I want things back but sometimes I don't...I don't know anymore...It just I've just lost sight of what I really want anymore. I don't know WHAT would make me happy honestly...I though I knew but now I'm not so sure...