dirty__1

So after driving an hour and a half to Busch Stadium in STL, (mostly in the rain and with half of us in bad moods), we get there, sit through about an hour rain delay, freeze our asses off, me and Gabrielle just got more agravated with each other..me more so than her, and then the Cardninals fucking lose!! Just a really bad day yesterday.
Today I had therapy then had to go to my daughters Pre-K "GRADUATION". it was cute. I have her this weekend and that usually does me some good.
It's getting harder and harder for me to believe anything Gabrielle says knowing what I know. Weds. night she had some shopping to do and said she wouldn't be home late b/c she knew we had to go to STL the next morning....12:30 she gets home, I ask wehere she was "Oh I ran into some friends from high scool and one of their friends bands was playing so I decided to go with them." Why do i just not buy that?? Now she's on this thing about "What if you can't have kids". "Would you want me to give up being able to have children and be with you even though that would make me extremely sad?" I'm like what the fuck. If you love me and you really meant what you told me when I was in the fucking hospital about you'd stay with me no matter what then yeay I'd expect you to stay....
I really think she's just looking for a way outta this..I told her if she's gonna leave b/c she's unsure if I can ever have kids again then do it now. don't stick around 2 or 3 yrs then decide you really don't wanna be here and then leave. If she's gonna go then just fucking go and don't look back...
Drama just follows me....I can't ecape it. Even after all this shit in the last 8/9 months..I'm just sick of it all...I just wanna get over this shit and move the fuck away......far far away!! I've wanted to move since waaay b/f my accident even more so now!!