dirty__1

Sometimes I just stop & think "What the hell is wrong with me?". I really don't think I'll ever really be happy with whatever is going on in my life. It's like just about the time I start to think everything is ok it starts falling apart on me. I can't figure out if it's me & my own self distruct mode or is there really a problem that's not me.. Do I just create problems to get out of situations? What the hell is it going to take for me to be happy & not have a million and one doubts, fears, concerns and everthing else that gets to going though my head. I'm just really unsure of myself and everything around me right now..

I still have several classes left before I'm finished but I'm just wondering and if this is what I REALLY wanna do. I guess it's never too late to change your mind but that shit costs money!

I just can't seem to get shit together in my personal life either. Relationships are just a mystery to me. lol I just feel like no matter what I do it the wrong move. If I bite my tounge about stuff so it doesn't start an arguement then it just builds up in me but if I go ahead and voice what on my mind I'm having to deal with an arguement... If you ask me it's a lose/ lose deal! I dunno...

I've got some serious thinking to do about a lot of stuff & I need to figure it out soon! I've got a break from class next week so I figure I'll sort it all out over several beers and day of kickin' back on the back porch. lol

Well it's about 5am so once again I'm only gonna get about 3 hours sleep... IF I even go to sleep. I'm pretty much exhausted but I've just got way to much racing around in my head right now... God I need a drink!