dirty__1

Last Friday evening my grandmother passed away after only 11 days of knowing she had cancer. It's been such a rollercoaster since the 13th of last month. It's insane, it's like a bad dream I can't wake up from. I'm 2 1/2 weeks behind in class & have so much to get done in such a short time, it's day 7 of week 4 out of a 5 week 3 day class, & I have no desire to do any of it...at all.. I don't know, my minds been a mess lately. My sketchbook is sitting next to my & I've been trying to do this same simple drawing for days now... I look at it and I just go blank. Everytime I start to work on class stuff it just reminds me of everything, so it makes it that much harder to get anything done. I've kept straight A's all yr but with this class I'll be ok with whatever passes me, even if it's a D. Things like this alway get my mind to racing.
I start thinking about anything & everything, which usually never turns out good. I question any and everything good that's going on in my life. I start to plant the little seeds of doubt which slowly start to eat away at me I dunno that's how I've been for a long time. I dwell on things too much. It's not like I sit and get down about every single little thing but I just always find something. Then I sit & think about all the "what if's". Maybe one of these days I'll change but I doubt it & I see that being my downfall...

I think I'm going to take an indefinite break from SG boys & girls. I'm not on here much lately anyway & I'm a bad friend & don't really keep up with everyone like I should... I'll be back eventually... Peace out SG land