dirty__1

It's been a bad last few days..I'm so tired...I've managed to push away the one girl who was willing to stay by my side no matter what......I feel so alone and so empty right now.....

So the last few days have been kinda boring....Been addicted to Final Fantasy the last week or two so that gives me something to do. I've gotten a chance to get out and buy some cds I lost inthe wreck and some I been wanting. Some OTEP, Perfect Circle,Yellowcard, sugarcult etc....I go tommorrow to follow up w/my rehab doctor FUN STUFF!!! Two hour car ride,...
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I miss the sound
the sound of your voice
your voice next to me
next to me late in the night
in the night we layed there
layed there next to each other
next to each other so close
so close I could feel you
feel your warmth
warmth that made me feel safe
safe to be the real me
the real me that wanted...
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I miss Jess....I went to the movies with some friends and she was there...I miss her..... I dunno what to do

Sometimes I just wanna hit some thing but I can't.......DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FRUSTRATING THAT IS???? I really more and more feel like the only reason my and Gabrielle are together is just need and pity...I haven't been able to grasp this yet...If I were in her shoes I'd be here as often as I could on my days off....So today I...
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So my first official day of rehab was today...Same ol shit that I was doin in the hospital basically from what I can tell..I mean don't see were it's gonna be any different other than a few different machines...Godthis is so frustrating..it's like I still have it in my head that this is just some kind of "sickness" or cold or something like that and...
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So I talk to Gabrielle today...Basically she went to this party w/her friend last night. Well this dude her friend used to date and who she still has a thing for was there...well he got to talking to Gabrielle about her. Then the fact that Gabrielle had a boyfriend came up and she told him about me being in a wheel chair..Well this dude still...
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Woke up early today..like 5:30....still goin and it's like 11 now...kinda odd for me but then again my daughter got here around 6 so you don't get much chance to do much sleeping w/a 5yr old here...lol BUT I love havin her around so..
SOOOO HAPPY TONITE......finally got new speakers for the pc!!!! I can actually HEAR music and stuff now..
Gabrielle left today and...
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Boring fucking day....I'ts getting colder than a withes tit again.. I have to stay home alone most of the day tommorrow which sux but's good too.I really hate being in a position where I have to depend on other people to do shit for me...I'm so used to doing everything on my own and just going day to day without ever HAVING to ask anyone...
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel better now
Ever just feel like screamin'? I just feel better after a good scream sometimes.......

So I went for my evaluation for me rehab today. Looks like I'll be goin' 3 times a week and at least 1 day a week I get to use the therapy pool which the doc in STL had told me would help me alot. I have to go back wed. and to a seperate evaluation for some of my other therapy...then the 20th I...
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