This is my first journal entry. So here we fucking go. I feel a bit akward, sort of like doogie howser. But you know what? I think this is going to be extremely theraputic for me. I liked posting my photos but I never considered keeping a journal. That was until the other night.
I purchased the SG DVD at the show this past Friday night...I was inspired by Missy's words. And now, I too will be able to share my feelings and fucked up thoughts with others. The reality...nobody will give a flying fuck what I write here. No one will probably read this EVER. But who cares, I love putting words on paper(for lack of a better word).
I have now been offically divorced for 4 months. Although the relationship was over 2 years ago. She finally got fed up with me and sent me packing. I don't blame her- but now we are strangers....and a statistic.
As a result of the divorce and my lackof self confidence I have lost all my friends. I have gained weight but I'm determined to lose it. I'm not fat- just bigger than I am accustomed to.
I hate living in AZ. People are so closed fucking minded. I want to be completely covered in ink but I would lose my job. The only reason I remain in this god forsaken town is because of my kids. I can't live without them. In fact, they're the only reason I'm alive. I have gone through the past few years hating my existence and my very being. I want to be somebody that I cannot. But then again, I don't want to be anybody. I trust very few people. In fact, the whole divorce has me skeptical of the entire human race. Most of the time I just want to be left alone.
I love that my kids adore me. I'm afraid when they get older, they're going to realize that I am a loser and a loner. I'm used to be a happy, sincere person. Now I am nothing but a superficial bullshitter. At least that's the way I feel tonight. I could have a glimpse of hope tomorrow and change my mind. For the most part though, I hate myself for what I have become.
I am still stoked about the SG show from Friday night. I got to meet Reagan- she has always been my favorite. I also met Nixon. She totally reminds me of a girl I dated last year.
One of the only things that still gets me exicted is getting tattooed.
good night T/P. daddy loves you.
I purchased the SG DVD at the show this past Friday night...I was inspired by Missy's words. And now, I too will be able to share my feelings and fucked up thoughts with others. The reality...nobody will give a flying fuck what I write here. No one will probably read this EVER. But who cares, I love putting words on paper(for lack of a better word).
I have now been offically divorced for 4 months. Although the relationship was over 2 years ago. She finally got fed up with me and sent me packing. I don't blame her- but now we are strangers....and a statistic.
As a result of the divorce and my lackof self confidence I have lost all my friends. I have gained weight but I'm determined to lose it. I'm not fat- just bigger than I am accustomed to.
I hate living in AZ. People are so closed fucking minded. I want to be completely covered in ink but I would lose my job. The only reason I remain in this god forsaken town is because of my kids. I can't live without them. In fact, they're the only reason I'm alive. I have gone through the past few years hating my existence and my very being. I want to be somebody that I cannot. But then again, I don't want to be anybody. I trust very few people. In fact, the whole divorce has me skeptical of the entire human race. Most of the time I just want to be left alone.
I love that my kids adore me. I'm afraid when they get older, they're going to realize that I am a loser and a loner. I'm used to be a happy, sincere person. Now I am nothing but a superficial bullshitter. At least that's the way I feel tonight. I could have a glimpse of hope tomorrow and change my mind. For the most part though, I hate myself for what I have become.
I am still stoked about the SG show from Friday night. I got to meet Reagan- she has always been my favorite. I also met Nixon. She totally reminds me of a girl I dated last year.
One of the only things that still gets me exicted is getting tattooed.
good night T/P. daddy loves you.
sarahannsg:
Hey, welcome to SG! It's a good place that is definitely not closed minded. My job doesn't allow visible tattoos either. . .and it blows. . .whatever, I'll just wear long sleeves. . .piss on em. Don't worry too much, try and surround yourself with things you find positive, and try not to think about the negative things in your past. . .just the good things in your future. . .starting fresh, watching your babies grow, and discovering and enjoying new things. 