The passage of time measured only by loss...
Did you ever felt angry?
Not angry 'I lost my cellphone' angry, nor 'My boyfriends farted' angry, I mean deep down reasonsless angry?
In that way that you are walking back and forth in your appartment and all you want to do is scream at someone but there's no one listening and you don't want to bother your neighbor?
That type of angry is exactly how I feel right now. I don't if I want to jump off the window or just plain broke the window to try and find a meaning in the shattered glass all over the floor.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal, never was never will be, I'm just looking for a choc, something that will make sense. Maybe it's in the loss of everything valuable, maybe it's ine the plain destruction of helpless material, or maybe I should move to South America and call myself 'Juan'.
In fact, most of all, I think I'm just really angry at myself for letting for of my ex-girlfriends, for letting go of my school life and, I guess, for letting go of everything I wanted to be.
I didn't say dream, I don't think I ever dreamt about being anything at all. My dreams always were blurry, unfinished. I was on a stage but I wasen't singing...I was on a front page but I wasen't famous. Dreaming an in-between life, does that mean I will always feel like I'm standing on a beam?
It's crazy, I know, but I really wish I could have a goal, a purpose, a deep desire that will drive me through. I see people at my work dancing, drawing, loving, marrying, so on... And they ask me what I want to do and I just don't know.
I guess standing there, confused, is my way in life.
'Hey, what do you do?'
'I make you feel better, don't know? I'm a monster and everything you should not be...cheer'.
Anyway, I'l go back to my movie. Maybe Raoul Ruiz will cheer me up after all.
Music of the Day : The new The Shins album is really inetresting.
Did you ever felt angry?
Not angry 'I lost my cellphone' angry, nor 'My boyfriends farted' angry, I mean deep down reasonsless angry?
In that way that you are walking back and forth in your appartment and all you want to do is scream at someone but there's no one listening and you don't want to bother your neighbor?
That type of angry is exactly how I feel right now. I don't if I want to jump off the window or just plain broke the window to try and find a meaning in the shattered glass all over the floor.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal, never was never will be, I'm just looking for a choc, something that will make sense. Maybe it's in the loss of everything valuable, maybe it's ine the plain destruction of helpless material, or maybe I should move to South America and call myself 'Juan'.
In fact, most of all, I think I'm just really angry at myself for letting for of my ex-girlfriends, for letting go of my school life and, I guess, for letting go of everything I wanted to be.
I didn't say dream, I don't think I ever dreamt about being anything at all. My dreams always were blurry, unfinished. I was on a stage but I wasen't singing...I was on a front page but I wasen't famous. Dreaming an in-between life, does that mean I will always feel like I'm standing on a beam?
It's crazy, I know, but I really wish I could have a goal, a purpose, a deep desire that will drive me through. I see people at my work dancing, drawing, loving, marrying, so on... And they ask me what I want to do and I just don't know.
I guess standing there, confused, is my way in life.
'Hey, what do you do?'
'I make you feel better, don't know? I'm a monster and everything you should not be...cheer'.
Anyway, I'l go back to my movie. Maybe Raoul Ruiz will cheer me up after all.
Music of the Day : The new The Shins album is really inetresting.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
not because it will change your life forever, not because you will magically figure everything out.. nothing like that. if you travel for that reason you will come back home feeling empty.
it has reminded me that i don't need things, i don't need other people, and if i'm unhappy it is much easier than i thought to change things. i knew that before i left, but it is very easy to forget when you're stuck in a routine.