dictator

Good evening Lords and Ladies.

I tried to hire some trumpeteers, to ring in my first journal entry. I have a feeling that I may be a century or two too late.

I find myself, as of late, trying to create in all ways. With a period of my life past me, where I felt as though I had little control, I now try to control too much. I don't like buying things that others have made. Everytime I go past something that catches my eye, I say to my self that it's cool, but I could do it better. I've been furiously making stuff... paintings, drawings, poetry, furniture, film, etc....

It seems as though I have a need to make everything for myself. This, metaphorically, is where I am at in all fields of my life right now. Love doesn't come easily, so I must manufacture the illusion of it. I'd give anything for "store bought love"... take it off the shelf, open it, and add it to my collection. However, as with anything mass produced, it would be cheap, fall apart quickly, and be forgotten all too soon. I've tried to make love work, build it from the ground up, but one can only try so hard before he/she looks like a fool. It takes two to tango as they say.

So am I making up for something I am lacking in my life? Love? Purpose?

Probably.

Is it working?

Definately.

A life without passion for creativity, love, and those around you, is a life unfit for consumption.