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Or from Barthelme's 'The Phantom of the Opera's Friend:"

Occasionally he is overtaken by what can only be called fits of grandiosity:
"One hundred million cells in the brain! All intent on being the Phantom of the Opera!"
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Today should have been my birthday, but my mom used to say that she didn't want to bake a cake on her birthday, so she waited six days.

I think I'll just start ripping off Kafka's journal entries, like this one:

May 27. Today is your birthday, but I'm not even sending you the usual book, for it would be only pretense; at bottom I...
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mamabunny:
heh.

um happy birthday. i think. biggrin
seantastic:
I suck at math.
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An anonymous someone sent me shot glasses and an ashtray.

What the hell is that?
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what happened?

it's the meat of an orange being peeled.

this is the meat of an orange being peeled.
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So, we all know that you can't buy ice trays. They're either there or they're not.

After 4 years in this little apartment, I've begun to make ice. Breaking ice with a pick (or a steak knife in my case) is somehow so much more beautiful than a collection of uniform "cubes."

Look at all of the shattered ice. Feel the cold water in the...
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I went to pick up my Chinese food. There was this big family eating dinner. One of the little girls didn't hear something the man next to her had said. So she asks,

"You're good at allergies?"

Then she perked up and said,

"I'm good at math!"

So, the guy next to her said,

"What's five plus three?"

She thinks a little, squints, opens her...
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Batman's coming back tomorrow. We can worry about real algebraic geometry face to face.

Maybe we can finally write down the proof of this fucking theorem.