When was it? June? July? It was hot. Central Illinois in the summer.

I never pictured myself as a grifter traveling from town to town, but there I was canvassing Champaign-Urbana, looking for gullible college students to buy some magazine subscriptions.

You stood there in the doorway. You said you had to go, didn't have time. But you let me in a for a sec....
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I just wanted to take a second to thank the Lassie Foundation for being the soundtrack to my life.

Thank You.

Wow, for having moved to Oregon, I sure feel like I'm still in California.

Oh wait, I am back in California. To finish up a web site for a skateboard company of all things. So I in the last three weeks, I've only been in Oregon for about 6 days.

I better get paid for this.

OK, so I'm living in the deliciously white trash town of Willamina, OR.

It's cold, the local townfolk look like they walked out of the movie Deliverance and I have no internet access. Did I mention the townfolk look really super scary? Yes, even the old women look like they'd just as soon cut off your leg and use it for stew as look at...
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OK, so I found a subletter for my place, one Ms. Joyce from Santa Rosa. So I have to be out by Friday. Quel something!

Which means I will be beginning my (hopefully) short stay in the wonderfully scummy little town of Willamina whilst I seach for a place to live in Portland. Then it's on to the search for a job washing dishes or...
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I now have approximately 10 days left before I emigrate to Oregon from California. Yes, I am nervous.

And yes I am doing it the right way - broke as a joke with no prospects. Gimpin ain't easy, but it's necessary.

I can still remember the first time I saw you.

Remember? We were 16 and you were walking over to the Duchess convenience store in your bare feet. I had just convinced Troy to buy me a pack of Winstons.

Do you remember a year or so later when we would skip lunch with the gang and smoke cigarettes at your house? I can still...
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When last we met our intrepid hero, Snugglepuss had just defeated the evil genuis MC Fuzzynutsack.

Despite his full command over the deadly Five Tounge Technique, Fuzzynutsack proved no match for Snugglepuss' barrage of Fur Flying Fists.

The battle ended with defeat for MC Fuzzynatsack, but before being defeated he left our hero with an important question: "What, exactly is in Ovaltine?"

Unfortunately, Fuzzynutsack expired...
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I smoke. And again. Three four.

Why do I smoke? Is it to shave the years of this insipid joke called my life? Is it to rebel against my very being? Is it because I wanted to impress girls when I was 16?

Perhaps it is because of all those things, or none. Why should I care why I smoke when I know that I...
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OK. I am drunk as fuck right now.

The one, the only the ALMIGHTY Swayze has been speaking to me and he says, "Shut-up."

I, however, have other plans.

No, I will not uncover the covert illuminati of the Swayze, but I will ramble in in a cold-ass fashion. I am drunk, and yes I have been cheating.

It's just that you were so inviting,...
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