It's 2:15 am on a Sunday night, and I am sick as a dog. I caught my father's plague. I refuse to call it a cold, because I've had colds before and this is waaaaaaaaaaaay beyond that.
Just got back from the weekend at Watkins Glen, and while it was awesome to introduce my friend to the wonderful world of club racing, I am going to have to kill my sister. I don't know what the fuck has gotten into her lately, but she was an absolute nightmare this weekend. I felt really bad for my friend who had to put up with her. For instance, she smokes pot. Fine. Whatever. But she kept insisting on smoking it in the car around him, and while we both mentioned it'd be a bad idea for her to do it this round, she demanded that she do it anyways. She kept freaking out about stuff for no reason and it was all I could do not to lose my temper with her. She was so....supercilious and condescending that it drove me insane. Everything was a fucking argument with her, and I really didn't need that on top of the worst Friday I've ever had. It was all me me me me me. I wasn't allowed to listen to music she didn't like, but she kept playing shit I didn't like, with basically zero regard to my opinion or feelings on the matter.
As for the past Friday....man, I don't really want to talk about it even. Writing about bad shit for me is usually cathartic, but it still bothers me so much that I don't think I want to even try to examine my feelings about it. The feelings I have from it are basically shame and anger....shame that I let things get that bad, the feeling that I let a bunch of people down, that they saw me at my worst, and horrifying anger at someone who pre-empted a really important, delicate discussion by opening his big fat mouth out of a sense of...fuck, I don't know. Misplaced concern for the other person and something else. Suffice it to say I will no longer be talking to this person. Ever again. I'm sure if he reads this, and he probably will, then he won't really give a shit. And that's fine and his perogative. But I don't need to be associated with people who refuse to take into consideration that they don't know all the facts before confidently informing the second party of my motives and future actions. Who needs enemies with friends like him?
Third issue on my mind tonight is the fact that my ex-bf thinks that I made the announcement of my move on our friend's forum specifically to hurt him. What. The. Fuck. Maybe it's because I've never really stood in his shoes before, but I totally don't get this. I made the announcement there for a few reasons 1) sure as hell be easier to say it once publicly than tell everyone, one person at a time 2) If he was going to hear about my leaving, and he would, then I'd rather that he hear it from me rather than one of our mutual friends mentioning it to him. See above paragraph to understand how that can go horribly wrong. I'd also suspect that he thinks my move itself is an intention to hurt him, but he doesn't accord that much importance in my life right now. This was always a possibility, and became more and more so as time went on. To do what I am about to do is my fucking dream. What kind of asshole passes that up because it MIGHT hurt their EX boyfriend/girlfriend?
Grrrr....Ok so I'm in an angry, resentful mood tonight so I'm going to go to bed and hope I feel better physically and mentally in the morning.
Just got back from the weekend at Watkins Glen, and while it was awesome to introduce my friend to the wonderful world of club racing, I am going to have to kill my sister. I don't know what the fuck has gotten into her lately, but she was an absolute nightmare this weekend. I felt really bad for my friend who had to put up with her. For instance, she smokes pot. Fine. Whatever. But she kept insisting on smoking it in the car around him, and while we both mentioned it'd be a bad idea for her to do it this round, she demanded that she do it anyways. She kept freaking out about stuff for no reason and it was all I could do not to lose my temper with her. She was so....supercilious and condescending that it drove me insane. Everything was a fucking argument with her, and I really didn't need that on top of the worst Friday I've ever had. It was all me me me me me. I wasn't allowed to listen to music she didn't like, but she kept playing shit I didn't like, with basically zero regard to my opinion or feelings on the matter.
As for the past Friday....man, I don't really want to talk about it even. Writing about bad shit for me is usually cathartic, but it still bothers me so much that I don't think I want to even try to examine my feelings about it. The feelings I have from it are basically shame and anger....shame that I let things get that bad, the feeling that I let a bunch of people down, that they saw me at my worst, and horrifying anger at someone who pre-empted a really important, delicate discussion by opening his big fat mouth out of a sense of...fuck, I don't know. Misplaced concern for the other person and something else. Suffice it to say I will no longer be talking to this person. Ever again. I'm sure if he reads this, and he probably will, then he won't really give a shit. And that's fine and his perogative. But I don't need to be associated with people who refuse to take into consideration that they don't know all the facts before confidently informing the second party of my motives and future actions. Who needs enemies with friends like him?
Third issue on my mind tonight is the fact that my ex-bf thinks that I made the announcement of my move on our friend's forum specifically to hurt him. What. The. Fuck. Maybe it's because I've never really stood in his shoes before, but I totally don't get this. I made the announcement there for a few reasons 1) sure as hell be easier to say it once publicly than tell everyone, one person at a time 2) If he was going to hear about my leaving, and he would, then I'd rather that he hear it from me rather than one of our mutual friends mentioning it to him. See above paragraph to understand how that can go horribly wrong. I'd also suspect that he thinks my move itself is an intention to hurt him, but he doesn't accord that much importance in my life right now. This was always a possibility, and became more and more so as time went on. To do what I am about to do is my fucking dream. What kind of asshole passes that up because it MIGHT hurt their EX boyfriend/girlfriend?
Grrrr....Ok so I'm in an angry, resentful mood tonight so I'm going to go to bed and hope I feel better physically and mentally in the morning.