for those of you that read this a few updates:

if you don't know i have been seperated for awhile and frankly don't know how it is going to all end yet. my heart was run through a meat grinder and then pulverized with a sledge hammer for good measure. It is a hard place to be. i had no idea how much pain my heart could feel. it all makes me very leary of any relationships right now. i do know that i will never ever leave my heart in one person's hands again.

my mother and i share a very special bond about 3 years ago she was in dire need of a good liver and i had one to give. her liver was in such bad shape that the bile ducts were completly shot so the surgeons had to build new ones, they have never worked well. she has developed more and more complications due to the problem and has become very sick. the surgeon that did our transplants is going to atempt to attach the liver directly to her small intestine on wednesday in richmond. i will be heading up tomorrow sometime. keep her in your thoughts iif you have a mind to please.

life is meant to be experienced and savored and that means the good and the bad, the sweet and the sour. in the words of suzuki roshi "when you do something, you should burn yourself up completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself". i have never been someone who keeps my hands and arms inside the ride, i don't use a lap bar and i stand up when your not suppose to and try to experience life right here right now. as hard as these are to take they are part of the ride and i'm going down this next hill blazing with my arms hanging out!

i hope you all experiencing the sweet this week. i have really truly enjoyed the bantor and support from you sg peeps so thank you whether you realized you were helping or not!