dez

I fucked up... seriously fucked up.

This is not an exciting recount of a steamy night and a broken condom, nor is it a tale of a bank heist gone wrong. This is a chick's diary-like confession of a friend (me) fucking another friend over.

I had a best friend. She did some things she's not proud of but she appologized for them... eventually. It's her business not mine. She confided in me. I didn't ask her to. I knew some shit I REALLY didn't want to know. It involved some friends of mine, some cheating, some lying and a bunch of people who could have/did get hurt.

I confess, I became a gossiping bitch. That most loathed, despicable she-creature. I confided in someone I shouldn't have... I spoke to some others in vagueries... some beans were spilled. I am not to be trusted. I KNOW that about myself now. It's good to know.

I also know some people can't tell the difference between a joke and serious encouragement in... unsavoury behaoviour. I know now not to joke about that... unless the joke is prefaced by "What I am about to say is a joke". I've also learned that if you can't keep a secret, admit that immediately! If you blab, you're covered! So simple, yet so brilliant.

Our friendship is not over... yet. It is strained. We've both gotten caught up in a swirling shit storm of drama. We've both agreed we've had enough. Conveniently I am her date this weekend for her work christmas party. We'll both be forced to be civil, drink a little to loosen up and we'll get a chance to have some fun? together just the two of us.

I realize now that I've been taking some of my guilt induced anger out on her... because she's (rightly) been making me feel guilty and therefor avoiding her... I'm awsome! *sigh*

We shall see how this plays out... I really need a cigarette.