A number of things have changed in my life over the last couple of months.
Some have been excellent.
Some have been catastrophic.
Others still remain to be seen which side of the fence they will fall.
I've often wondered what it would be like to be on a course with no direction, like so many troubled characters I've read about in books or watched on tv or in movies. Safe in the knowledge that these characters are fiction and, as such, their tales should not be applicable to real life.
How very wrong I was. I seem to now be sailing this course. Thrust into a situation and a heading I no longer have control over, I have no choice but to ride the storm out and see what waits beyond the forboding horizon.
In a way I guess I should be thankful. As strange and difficult as this new course is, it is at least that. It's new. I no longer seem to be myred in sections of my life that I know held me back from things I wanted. However, every coin has another side, and the other side to this is that I've left behind an entire life.
Do I continue my old life and try to adapt it to my new surroundings? That would be difficult given the happy-go-lucky party life I led is no longer something I can afford. It also relied heavily on all of my friends being nearby and always seeing at least one friendly face in any bar I walked into.
Do I reinvent myself again and become what I need to be to survive? Survival isn't living, and I don't want to just be another grey spot on the land. Generic. Acceptable. No. That's not me.
Do I compromise and try to be my old self but in a way that's adapted so people will accept me to the fold? I now live in a town of just 8000 people. Having moved away from here 5 years ago because I hated it, coming back is like some kind of macbre storyline with the twist yet to appear. Noone I grew up with lives here anymore. The few faces I know from my past that continue to linger here like ghosts from my past are not friendly and they look upon me now as an outsider. Someone who left the ark and succesfully returned having tasted some of life's treats and delights too obscure for the comprehension of these bottle breaking drunks.
No, it looks as though this cruel ship, captained, it seems, by Loki himself, is headed bow first into another big wave. A new plan is needed in order to make it through to the other side. I just hope I can dream up a solution before it breaks, because, this time, I have no alternative.
Some have been excellent.
Some have been catastrophic.
Others still remain to be seen which side of the fence they will fall.
I've often wondered what it would be like to be on a course with no direction, like so many troubled characters I've read about in books or watched on tv or in movies. Safe in the knowledge that these characters are fiction and, as such, their tales should not be applicable to real life.
How very wrong I was. I seem to now be sailing this course. Thrust into a situation and a heading I no longer have control over, I have no choice but to ride the storm out and see what waits beyond the forboding horizon.
In a way I guess I should be thankful. As strange and difficult as this new course is, it is at least that. It's new. I no longer seem to be myred in sections of my life that I know held me back from things I wanted. However, every coin has another side, and the other side to this is that I've left behind an entire life.
Do I continue my old life and try to adapt it to my new surroundings? That would be difficult given the happy-go-lucky party life I led is no longer something I can afford. It also relied heavily on all of my friends being nearby and always seeing at least one friendly face in any bar I walked into.
Do I reinvent myself again and become what I need to be to survive? Survival isn't living, and I don't want to just be another grey spot on the land. Generic. Acceptable. No. That's not me.
Do I compromise and try to be my old self but in a way that's adapted so people will accept me to the fold? I now live in a town of just 8000 people. Having moved away from here 5 years ago because I hated it, coming back is like some kind of macbre storyline with the twist yet to appear. Noone I grew up with lives here anymore. The few faces I know from my past that continue to linger here like ghosts from my past are not friendly and they look upon me now as an outsider. Someone who left the ark and succesfully returned having tasted some of life's treats and delights too obscure for the comprehension of these bottle breaking drunks.
No, it looks as though this cruel ship, captained, it seems, by Loki himself, is headed bow first into another big wave. A new plan is needed in order to make it through to the other side. I just hope I can dream up a solution before it breaks, because, this time, I have no alternative.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
ki1:
i know where your coming from. i lived away from the home 'town' for 9 years. it took a period of re-adjustment to get back into the swing of things. my old friends had married and had kids. im outa that loop. so i feel for ya.
aquarian:
I hope things settle down for you soon hun. 