devilyn

Goddamn. Another good friend of mine died a couple weeks ago and I haven't been able to talk about it yet but I want to get it out now. Amanda and I have been close ever since I met her about 8 years ago and it breaks my heart. She was the first girl I ever slept with and the only one I continued to sleep with at random times over the years. We had had so much that first time that it was just understood between us that it would continue whenever we saw each other and despite whatever relationships we were in. (Not that any boyfriends ever objected). Apparantly she had caught a ride home from the club that she worked at from some customer on his motorcycle and they crashed. He was totally sober and no one knows exactly what went wrong but they both died. I can't think of anyone I know who wanted to live more than she did. And this accident happened in Austin (which had been my home for 8 years until my boyfriend and I moved to Phoenix 6 months ago) so I missed the funeral. She was engaged too. Everytime I smell the perfume she wore I find myself trying to visualize what everything looked like the second after they hit the guardrail - the smashed motorcycle on the ground....her crumpled body in the street with her red hair....if she cried and screamed in pain until she died on the way to the hospital. I don't want to see it but my mind created a picture of all of that and it forces me to see it whenever she crosses my mind. I hate it.

Amanda Corso
1/18/1980 - 4/15/2008