devildoll23

I hate when I allow distractions to allow me to move away from where I want to be headed. I have so many plans for myself, and I just don't want to screw them up or fail. I know I won't fail... because I won't allow myself to. I know what success I am capable of and is it wrong to push myself all the time to acheive that? Yes, obviously I do get stressed out... a lot of the times I bite off more the I can chew so to speak. but I feel like if im sitting on my ass doing nothing then im failing myself. It's odd... so many parents bother there kids about doing homework or doing well in school. My parents have NEVER bothered me about doing homework or my grades... it's always been me taring myself to pieces because I've always wanted to succeed. Maybe it's because some people expect me to fail, and I just want to prove them wrong. You cannot tell me that I can't do anything because I know I can do it. I need to start focousing more on what is important, and I hate the fact that I've allowed myself to slack off lately. Another thing that has been driving me insane is that I have so much that has been bothering me lately... a little too much, but I never talk about it. I just ignore it by making myself do other things. I always end up pretending that everything is okay, when deep down I know it's not. It's sad... I always do this it's this horrible habbit so to speak. Today, I talked to one of my guy friends about something that's been bothering me... he amost passed out when I told him what it was because it's such an old thing. Funny how your friends remember the most random things you say... On a lighter note... not like im actually expecting anyone to read this whole journal entry, I just thought that I needed a little venting time... oh wait that reminds me, the other thing that has been annoying me about myself (that's the oddest thing I've ever typed but anyways) is that eventhough some of my close friends tell me I can tell them anything if I ever need to talk... I never do... I just feel like my problems aren't worth bothering over. and i never want to burden anyone with them no matter who they are. That and I have a trust issue...HUGE trust issue...but that's for another journal.

Oh yea... the lighter note part...
so today at work... i was waring my awesome leg warmers from spain... ( i miss spain and portugal so much ) I guess not many people or maybe some people can understand but Portugal is a HUGE part of who I am. It's like I come alive so to speak when I'm there... ugh i feel like crying right now... i miss it so incredibly much. Back to the damn lighter note and the damn leg warmers... some lady randomly came up to me and asked me if she could take a picture of me with my leg warmers on because she wanted to send the picture to her brother.... oh the random shit people do...