devildoll

Ahhhh.....the lunchroom. Always an interesting conversation of some sort going on in THAT room. This woman that I work with had 2 son who died several years ago. One of her sons died in a traumatic boating accident as a teenager, and the other son died of cancer as a young adult. We got into a conversation about death and she told us that she believes that everyone is destined to die at a certain time. She believes that our life is planned out for us in one big book, with our date of death already being predetermined. She said that her father helped her to adopt this philosophy when she was going through the trama of her sons' death, and that this helped her to get through the nightmare she had to endure. But as concrete as she IS in this belief, she finds it funny that whenever she is on an airplane, she is deathly afraid of flying. She's felt this way ever since 9/11. So I told her, "Well, if you think that everyone aready has a certain time that they are going to die and you can't change that in any way, shape or form....you should be JUMPING out of airplanes right now!"

Personally, I DONT think that our life is predetermined. I DON'T think that when our time comes, our time comes. I think that we make choices in our life and that our future and existence is shaped by these decisions. But you know what's funny? Sometimes I toy with that thought. For example, I'll be driving on the road and spontaneously decide to take a shortcut down another street. As I make that turn, I sometimes can't help but think "Did I just CHOOSE my destiny? Would I have gotten home safe and sound if I went that other way? But instead, by going this way, am I going to get hit head-on by an oncoming car and die an awful death?" Out of all the ways I could die, I think I that I would most likely be killed in a car accident. Reason being, I love the thrill of driving fast with my busic blaring, and I often find myself taking risks...like cutting off a semitruck with only inches to spare in order to get that sweet spot at the front of all the freeway traffic. But who knows? I could die in a way I never IMAGINED. (I just hope it's not too gnarly) I use to be really afraid of dying for the fear that I would fail to exist anymore...like a neverending purgatory. I don't really find myself afraid anymore. I still question the idea of whether there is life after death, but the fear is no longer there.

I'm in a philosophical mood to day. I'll have to go home and talk philosophy with my boy...he's the best at it.

....I need to get out and see Farenheit 9/11 this week.